"skim layers of skin" - that lava soap did that. Didn't know you lived next door.

Wish I could do that.

You should set off the refrain some way, indented perhaps, Maybe call this a lyric. Most of this is good, but "worship" goes too far.

Yes, sweet retribution. Kill him, that'll fix the matter.

Edge is such an unlikely ending, but I keep hoping. Maybe a person should just get used to tails fifty percent of the time.

I always wondered how to get seven beats in the second line. Now I know.

How about "Moving to the light"?

Strange how rockmage votes, and how often.

A good idea. I think it would be better to leave "me" out of it after the first two verses.

I hate to disturb a perfectly symmetrical voting pattern, so I'll just say that it's still a pretty good poem and better with the changes and just can't figure out rackmage these days.

Spooky. A good read.

Good. Just a few take-it-or-leave-its:
"and belief turned lies"?
"A father's seed"?
"made to bleed"?

"slightly disappointing" doesn't match the description that follows. Other sloppy lines show that this is merely a first draft, not ready for posting.

The trouble is that it is not explicit.

Nice.
"revelling in it" -> "reveling"

Too sappy for general appreciation.

Sounds like a Willie Nelson wail.

Unplanted plantations - subdivide and sell off the land, or go poor.

An interesting scenario of possible outcomes. The ending seems wrong though, because some traces of humanity would doubtless remain. And immortality having a time limit is just mis-worded.

Thank you, rockmage, for your timely and predictable response. By the way, did you read the poem?

Somewhere in Jamaica, mon, an ebony hand strokes a poinciana pod. He likely has a voodoo doll, but harms it little for folks in America, regretting their music mixes with so much self abuse.