replying on A Fish is Always a Fish by Dovina
27 Mar 2006, 3:45 PM
Haven't you read the above? I already have.
on Blue Gravity by Sunny
27 Mar 2006, 12:55 PM
I'm not into this as much as your others. The first line with "dead headstone" is off-putting. All headstones are dead, aren't they? I like the feathers rocking on the bay. The woman in a Bohemian skirt is confusing - could be you or someone else. Then in verse 2, the narrator could be the body under the headstone. Then the three "she" lines turn it back into a love poem.
replying on A Fish is Always a Fish by Dovina
27 Mar 2006, 12:08 PM
Interesting that my final line should conjure that allusion. The fisherman I had in mind is another sort of dude altogether.
replying on A Fish is Always a Fish by Dovina
27 Mar 2006, 12:08 PM
Since I think of myself as the fish, I could hardly be smiling.
replying on Numbers In Heaven by Dovina
27 Mar 2006, 6:54 AM
I had that idea in mind. Glad you noticed it. I also tried to show the philosophical notion of numbers as real entities, distinguishable from useful words. If you mix the two viewpoints together you come up with wonderment over whether we are real.
on My Prayer by amanda_dcosta
26 Mar 2006, 5:32 PM
Isn't amazing grace already directly in your path? Must you search for it? And don't you already know how to change your life? Sorry, but it seems you are asking the wrong questions.
on Sensually Literary Villanelle by bwaha
26 Mar 2006, 5:28 PM
I've been a fool, and I've written instead, and I'm still a fool, easily led. I wish I could get it together like you have. Good Villanelle.
on Cohoma Scott King by rahson_s
26 Mar 2006, 6:25 AM
The last line is good, but the rest needs attention to construction. Make it more poetic.
on A look inside [someone real} by Garrett S Sexton
25 Mar 2006, 9:27 AM
as soon as you do the most basic of edits on this mess, I will loook at it again.
on Time Will Change by x0lovelylarnx0
24 Mar 2006, 7:40 PM
The first two verses are said so many times in poetry that unless you say it differently, it's a big yawn. In the third verse you begin something arguably unique. But the words "You will hear" stand there with no support like a street preacher. It could be a good poem, holding the same ideas, but better formed.
on portholes in a floating coffin (burial at sea) by FreeFormFixation
24 Mar 2006, 12:02 PM
I thought Galivant might me some proper name, since otherwise it's just a varient of "gallivant", but found none. But since you misspelled confounded, I suppose that's all it is - a name you made up. If this is simply about a seance, I'm disappointed.
on Dying for Your Sins by drnick
24 Mar 2006, 11:52 AM
I think "he's" can be dropped. "insecurities" seems inconsistant with sins and regrets. I like "all his sins" written with no apology or explanation, as if all sins are his. The last line is very revealing.
on After The Snow/Diamonds And Rust by Ranger
23 Mar 2006, 3:24 PM
Your removing Dickens leaves the street scene with scarf and shawl alone to show us the old-time setting. Now we have to wait until "love arcane" and still wonder if the shawl was just a hippie immitation.
Also, Cain was to Abel as she is to you. I thought that Cain's guilt was a good way of showing this.
It's still a good poem, but not really an improvement in my opinion.
Also, Cain was to Abel as she is to you. I thought that Cain's guilt was a good way of showing this.
It's still a good poem, but not really an improvement in my opinion.
on After The Snow/Diamonds And Rust by Ranger
23 Mar 2006, 9:58 AM
Good use of the Glosa. You stick to the spirit of the original quatrain. "thorn words" and "cold door" - great. The last four lines really clinch it.