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Dying for Your Sins

Member since 2005 · Posted 24 Mar 2006 · 2 comments

See this godless man, his head hung low as if he's self-crucified. All his sins, insecurities, regets -they find a way through his flesh. Let it all out in those rusted tears. They'll laugh, they'll cry, for two thousand-some years.

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2 comments

[9] Dovina 24-Mar-06/11:52 AM Reply

I think "he's" can be dropped. "insecurities" seems inconsistant with sins and regrets. I like "all his sins" written with no apology or explanation, as if all sins are his. The last line is very revealing.

[9] Ranger 24-Mar-06/1:17 PM Reply

Good stuff, I think I agree with Dovina about "he's" and "insecurities", maybe replace it with "passions"? Love the wordplay in "rusted tears" (tears cried, tears in the skin).
One suggestion; after regrets, how about 'every one finds a way out...' - a little more working around the double meaning in here.

Good to see you about, I hope the semester ends well for you!