on Endless Battle by rahson_s
16 Mar 2006, 8:06 AM
Writing about writing - it must be fucking good to be at least a bit interesting.
on I'm too friggin' rich to even title this poem by T. Jonathron Remp
15 Aug 2005, 4:52 AM
Just saw the movie - good fun.
on More drugs. by darby pyn
1 Aug 2005, 5:20 PM
'while you spin in your skin' - best part.
on some deleted poem
3 Nov 2005, 12:35 PM
Take a look at 'Living with refugees' by Sorious Samura. You can find some info here:http://www.insightnewstv.com/refuge
on The mountain has come to Mohammed by ALChemy
24 Nov 2005, 6:08 PM
on Blackout, Amman, November, 2005 by zodiac
24 Nov 2005, 6:13 PM
great poem.
on some deleted poem
5 Apr 2006, 12:04 PM
'someday they'll feel like the
carpet in this truck stop.
Heavily worn in some areas
untouched in others.'
memorable.
I don't like the second stanza. I think it's redundant - like telling that you're gonna tell that the sun will set before telling that it'll set.
carpet in this truck stop.
Heavily worn in some areas
untouched in others.'
memorable.
I don't like the second stanza. I think it's redundant - like telling that you're gonna tell that the sun will set before telling that it'll set.
Recently I had a debate with someone over the use of 'this (is)' in a poem. I always wonder what happens when you pull it out - because there's always something happening. To me 'this (is)' is like a pointing finger, it's outside of the poem. The other party didn't agree. To him it was something he used frequently, without any objections. He liked the rhythm of it, and the decisiveness. I think he would have used your poem to prove his point. But maybe I would have too.
I've got a problem with 'she dreams'/'she thinks'.
I've got a problem with 'she dreams'/'she thinks'.
on Window Washer (midtown) by ecargo
13 Jan 2006, 10:15 AM
Very nice poem.
on Valentine 2 by zodiac
16 Feb 2006, 4:31 PM
'then hiked back to the camp
with meat and tin, his knife â the usual things.'
And germs too. "Syphilis, gonorrhea, tubercilosis, and influenza arriving with Captain Cook in 1799, followed by a big typhoid epidemic in 1804 and numerous 'minor'diseases, reduced Hawaii's population from around half a million in 1779 to 84,000 in 1853, the year when smallpox finally reached Hawaii and killed around 10,000 of the survivors."
Sorry, I'm deep into Jared Diamond's 'Guns, Germs and Steel' at the moment.
with meat and tin, his knife â the usual things.'
And germs too. "Syphilis, gonorrhea, tubercilosis, and influenza arriving with Captain Cook in 1799, followed by a big typhoid epidemic in 1804 and numerous 'minor'diseases, reduced Hawaii's population from around half a million in 1779 to 84,000 in 1853, the year when smallpox finally reached Hawaii and killed around 10,000 of the survivors."
Sorry, I'm deep into Jared Diamond's 'Guns, Germs and Steel' at the moment.
on The Gold and silver dress by Caducus
16 Feb 2006, 3:38 PM
Her eyes asked me
"will we always be like this"
sums it all up. Soup many have swum in.
"will we always be like this"
sums it all up. Soup many have swum in.
on An Interview With King David by amanda_dcosta
28 Feb 2006, 2:43 PM
What? No questions about Uria? That would have spiced the interview up. I mean, Samuël 2 makes a good read, but you've taken all the flav' out.
Look at this pink cheeked, fizzykissy, woolywooly softy - not the kind of guy you see fuckin' another man's wife and sending him to war with a note for his commander: make sure this one gets killed.
Look at this pink cheeked, fizzykissy, woolywooly softy - not the kind of guy you see fuckin' another man's wife and sending him to war with a note for his commander: make sure this one gets killed.
on Settling in by INTRANSIT
14 Mar 2006, 3:30 AM
Nice.
I have no problem with the way you animate - humanize - the house.
You could loose some 'and', I think. Same goes for the 'as'. To me they're like nails sticking out a bit.
I have no problem with the way you animate - humanize - the house.
You could loose some 'and', I think. Same goes for the 'as'. To me they're like nails sticking out a bit.
on some deleted poem
8 Mar 2006, 1:17 PM
Really like this one. Topranked on 'famous last words'.
on Read me by mystic enoch
9 Mar 2006, 6:30 PM
I disagree with Ranger. I think this is very strong, crude and pure. Just cut the part where you start about poetry.
I read you. You got me.
Who soothes my thumpin', bumpin' brain?
Nobody
I read you. You got me.
Who soothes my thumpin', bumpin' brain?
Nobody
'Every line a steppingstone,
good for climbing up and down.
Boy, is climbing fun, she says,
does it ever get you jazzed,
fine-tuned and ready for chords'
you almost had it there - shame the fifth line didn't make it.
using monster/monstrous - too much. The word gets deflated.
I think the story is okay but the ending is poor. As if you were through but the poem wasn't.
good for climbing up and down.
Boy, is climbing fun, she says,
does it ever get you jazzed,
fine-tuned and ready for chords'
you almost had it there - shame the fifth line didn't make it.
using monster/monstrous - too much. The word gets deflated.
I think the story is okay but the ending is poor. As if you were through but the poem wasn't.
on _The Black Prince_ by Caducus
9 Mar 2006, 5:51 PM
To me this is just a piece of pretentious crap. Jeering winds that whisper seppuku? Imagine how that sounds: like someone has knocked its front teeth out. sssseppuku...
'surrendering my flesh for lips
that became my war cry.'
Yeah, life's a bitch.
'surrendering my flesh for lips
that became my war cry.'
Yeah, life's a bitch.
on some deleted poem
16 Mar 2006, 7:57 AM
Sure it's hair? Sounds more like a case of amoebic dysentery.
on Coventry nights by Caducus
16 Mar 2006, 8:52 AM
Unlike the sepukku from you previous post, here the Chinese font makes sense to me.
It should be longer, though. The ending comes a bit too soon, I think.
It should be longer, though. The ending comes a bit too soon, I think.
'parfaited' - perfect, perfumed and paraffin oil. Just a guess.