on some deleted poem
11 May 2002, 5:02 AM
it starts to hit a stride at "my mind...", before that sounds like someone warming up.
on some deleted poem
11 May 2002, 4:44 AM
do you know where it's going, or do you not? maybe you need two poems.
on we wear the cries by silvertongueddevil
14 Jul 2002, 7:59 PM
the problem with among is that it is not divisive enough. the sadness of the night they feel isn't just hanging around passively "among" their limbs, it is really between them, it is that sadness, that sense of loss, fear of loss that is holding them apart..
on i'm bad at waiting by silvertongueddevil
13 Jul 2002, 8:03 PM
i chose to take out the word "for".
it was messing up the rhyme scheme.
it was messing up the rhyme scheme.
on unoriginal by boogah
11 May 2002, 5:12 AM
mate, if you're a well has run dry then coy is what you *want* to be.
on Mirage (v2) by nentwined
11 May 2002, 4:15 AM
how did the sky teach you fear? evening sounds nice, so where did the blanket of bitterness come from?
on Waiting to understand by Cha no Onna
11 May 2002, 4:27 AM
yesterwhen? i really have to todaywhy your use of homemade neologisms. keep it up and in a couple of hundred years we won't be able to understand a word you're saying. now let's see a poem where each line is more like "quiet as a pilot light" and less like "it hurt..."
on Morning Dreams by ObiWonKn
11 May 2002, 4:34 AM
so, the dew is glistening in the morning as the moon dances with the evening star (and the rest glitter around them)? or where did the time go?
on some deleted poem
11 May 2002, 4:51 AM
suffer the collusion of what? why don't more people write poems about toast? that's much harder than the cliche abstractions that dominate this site.
on broken thought by spoink
11 May 2002, 4:53 AM
ends suddenly, but was going well. thank you for not using the *h* or the *s* words in a love poem.
on The Green Emerald by ruella
11 May 2002, 4:57 AM
straight talking. this site needs more. i hate, i mean love, to nitpick, so i would lose the and on the last line. i think that will separate it from what precedes and give you more impact at the end.
on some deleted poem
11 May 2002, 5:04 AM
all the love you have for red wine since the birth of time? sober rain? oblivion with you? a love poem from one alcoholic to another?
on Do Not Pay Taxes To Feed Those Layabout Scum by ruella
11 May 2002, 5:06 AM
wacky. are we allowed to buy our doilies or do we have to craft them? and where on the armchair does the doily go?
on For fun by Cha no Onna
11 May 2002, 5:07 AM
i don't know who shel silverstein is, but keep learning from him.
on some deleted poem
11 May 2002, 5:09 AM
don't tell, show. of course then you would have to write lots of poems rather than cramming everything into one.
on These things that we bury by Jody Conn
11 May 2002, 5:16 AM
i'm marking everyone down that uses the *s* word or the *h* word. i try not to mark down for rhyming, but sometimes i just have to. read more freud, watch less oprah.
on some deleted poem
11 May 2002, 5:21 AM
bzzt. the *s* word. i regret that we will never be free of the legacy of those damned romantics.
on Ifni's birthday by Cha no Onna
11 May 2002, 5:24 AM
funny!
on some deleted poem
11 May 2002, 4:59 AM
not bad. when is a poem two poems?