on one is leaving as i enter by Limness
8 Oct 2002, 10:58 AM
Another "Five out of Six" poem?
on first kiss by lost in america
1 May 2003, 7:30 AM
Very nice. That moment you can feel when everything changes, well captured.
on some deleted poem
16 Apr 2003, 3:43 PM
Zin, Zin, Zin!! So close, but say what you really feel at the end: The drink is unfinished. Is the thirst slaked or unquenched? The old half empty or half full riddle, ya know?
Nice work Zinny! Perhpas your most sensual yet, in the literary sense. BUT... Kindling is the beginings, right? the small pieces that fuel the bonfire? And the beginings of sensuality are all about hints and innuendo. All this to say, don't be so obvious in using the word FIRE three times... What is it that Pops and Hisses? The fireplace? The Oak, the Maple ? The last of the Cherry from some forgotten Orchard? The Sapling pine not yet aged and hard?. Leave "Built Fire" - it works there, because you leave out the article "a" so it defines a very different thing you've created. So maybe he says "The Flame does this to us." I dunno.
on After Halloween by Limness
14 Oct 2002, 8:58 PM
I have to hold my breath when I read this, for fear of disturbing this fragile scene. Limness, this poem swallowed me whole and held me in that singular instant. A 10, like yourself.
on Morning Glory by waltfreakinwhitman
5 Oct 2002, 12:08 PM
I actually think this is brilliant. Can't understand the negative responses. Right up there with Anne Sexton's "Fury of Cocks".
If I give it a high vote will I sacrifice your place in the worst list?
If I give it a high vote will I sacrifice your place in the worst list?
on some deleted poem
28 Sep 2002, 10:00 PM
This is Glorious. What makes it work for me is the laundry list portrait of the domestically mundane that is transformed towards the sacredness of ritual by his love for her.
on Russian Roulette by <~>
28 Sep 2002, 8:28 AM
Zinni - I avoided reading this one because of the title - too obvious and somewhat pedantic. I think you could lose the whole first stanza, not water down the focus; which is the ones left behind (as it always is) and not glorify the act. I can only think of Virgina Hamilton Adair's poem on her husband's suicide, "one ordinary evening" 8
on To You, In Warmer Climes by <~>
28 Sep 2002, 8:43 AM
I love this one. The last stanza sticks with me like "a dart to the heart" (Thank you Bruce Cockburn)
Should Mercury be capitilized in the last line? 9
Should Mercury be capitilized in the last line? 9