I actually found this quite interesting and poetic although I have to wonder just exactly where it is supposed to be. I will read it again.

Interesting, 'snaps' seems wrong somehow. Do try and cheer up.

A poem that passes judgement on itself is a novelty, if not a very good one.

A nice read, I think it is batter's box however. Personally I think it would be more catching with rhymes, but then I am biased.

I liked the last 1.5 lines the best. The toenail of God doesn't seem to harmonise, and I fail to understand why most of the line breaks are where they are. But it was an interesting read.

Some interesting imagery

Dear Dovina,
While this is obviously a pretty picture the language usage does not appear to be very poetic to meeither in its use of metaphor etc, or in its imagery presentation, and there is not rhyme or rhythm. "A picture in Phi" what does this offer us phi "Φ" being the 21st letter of the Greek alphabet, the Greek equivalent of "F", a circle with a line through it, doesn't inspire me with images relevent to seashells or hermit crabs or solitude. So I am sorry but I just don't see the poetry here, just prose.

This would make a nice song actually

Perhaps a touch self-pitying and a little open to personal interpretation, vagueness and subtlety are not the same thing.

Perhaps a touch self-pitying and a little open to personal interpretation, vagueness and subtlety are not the same thing.

Perhaps a touch self-pitying and a little open to personal interpretation, vagueness and subtlety are not the same thing.

The line "Once more I sleep none" is so ungrammatic it pretty much ruins the rest of the poem, some punctuation would also help.

Dear NLD,
It is very nice to see something positive being said. As a poem however this lacks that something extra in language usage to really raise it above prose. Also things like we were standing.... when suddenly you appeared, as there are really only the two of you in this story one is left wondering who the first we applies to if 'you' were not there, or how you could have been there and then appeared. All told I think you have a core here but you need to work on it some. Cut, prune and shape it a bit.

Further more you have not really said anything new, which means you have to say it in a memorable way to make your effort worth while, communication and especially poetry is not just ideas in words, but ideas/feelings in words that are well used, shaped and polished like a gem until they shine.

I also think a better title, or more clarification in the poem would be in order.

Spreading Sturm und drang across two lines looks very poor, you ae breaking aconcept where no concept should be broken, still there is some nice imagery here, made me remember being an undergraduate.