Well I have about 3 years of memory research under my belt, so current research suggests it is true. But I usually don't aim for logic in my poetry, it's more of a case of just saying what feels appropriate, even if it isn't correct in the real world.

Actually we do have memories of common experiences, it's because they are not unique that they 'combine' and form one experience. But I see where you are getting at, a mass implies an ever growing accumulation, whereas it should be a stasis of memory, where memories combine.

Thanks for the suggestions,
NDF

Actually that was the heart. These breasts don't carry milk.

Great job, simple but effective and original.

Yeah, the 'in to' portion was supposed to be together, my mistake. 'lost as my tears in her rain' is a good suggestion, I like the idea behind it. The feeling I was trying to evoke was a 'sad distance' if that makes sense. This may not accurately translate if I were to change it. I would definitely have to restructure the previous line if I were to make it work. I may have to think about that a little, good idea nonetheless. Thanks.

Good point about the oversimplification, I guess when I wrote it that wasn't really a consideration as much as the purpose of the poem. This poem was actually based on an experience I had hiking in the mountains by myself. There were a number of trees in the woods, but one very tall tree that this bird was circling, I guess I got a little lazy with my description on that one. The gender didn't really matter, it was more that I wanted to personify absence. The absence was so real that day that I felt confronted by it. My intent was for the poem to be somewhat ambiguous, as I prefer the poem to be applicable in any way the reader interprets it, so that could be a question of taste. But I can totally relate with your feeling of discontinuity when reading it. It came across that way to me also. Thanks for the input.

Thanks for the reply, but be specific. What would make this a better attempt? Any constructive criticism is welcome. :) BTW, this is by no means a finished product. Lines 7-10 interrupt the flow of the poem, but I haven't thought of a replacement yet. I'll check Christof's stuff out.

Ha! I don't imagine the mullet ratio is very high on this site, thank God.