on Reflection by Judas kiss
14 Nov 2003, 11:29 AM
don't think you need doppelganger and reflection.
'Love yourself' at the best is a cliche, at worse a distraction.
v1 fourth line doesn't make much sense.
'On a straight mirror you stretch the glass' is an interesting line I quite like.
'Love yourself' at the best is a cliche, at worse a distraction.
v1 fourth line doesn't make much sense.
'On a straight mirror you stretch the glass' is an interesting line I quite like.
on some deleted poem
14 Nov 2003, 11:58 AM
Nice, but why 'they said the world is flat' would it not do without?
on Zinnias are a funny flower by Bachus
16 Nov 2003, 4:43 AM
like it was written in my soul
on Ranker Nazis by DreamerSupreme
16 Nov 2003, 4:44 AM
Spot on, and has always been the way
on My daddy taught me about being a good sport by horus8
16 Nov 2003, 4:45 AM
"He has a learning disability called. Nepotism.' is brilliant!!!!!
on Oh No! by foothangingoutofass
16 Nov 2003, 4:47 AM
Sylvia Plaths 'daddy' translated into chinese and now back.
on Anonymous Voters Of Zeros by scitz
17 Nov 2003, 12:13 PM
'Your left and right hand are your wives,' no more explanation needed.
The leaf is not violet to start with. Not being violet it is hidden (but how does heat hide). Comes to colour in autumn. We see it.
This I think is the only way it makes sense but it is not the obvious interpretation.
Also it is a million miles from my own understanding of truth.
Other than that............
not bad.
This I think is the only way it makes sense but it is not the obvious interpretation.
Also it is a million miles from my own understanding of truth.
Other than that............
not bad.
on Lesson in Wickedness by eyrbare
21 Nov 2003, 8:32 AM
like it, can you get up to Z???
on some deleted poem
23 Nov 2003, 9:13 AM
this damn thing again!
I'm trying to develop techniques to be better edit my work.
The last version read like this:
Like a bridge the wind
blows across the current
waters ripple; lines of a frown.
And delicate as a vein
pencil thin drawn on
the banks weathered jaw.
A line where the river
had risen, had fallen
high to low like an anchor.
Where we sat together,
and knew winter would drown.
I'm trying to develop techniques to be better edit my work.
The last version read like this:
Like a bridge the wind
blows across the current
waters ripple; lines of a frown.
And delicate as a vein
pencil thin drawn on
the banks weathered jaw.
A line where the river
had risen, had fallen
high to low like an anchor.
Where we sat together,
and knew winter would drown.
on sumerian translation by vermeer33
23 Nov 2003, 9:48 AM
Like the unusual phrasing of lines 3,4.
on I have thirteen knives, and a sore riddled Black pussy by horus8
23 Nov 2003, 9:53 AM
Amusing wordplay, especially checked under his kilt for a pulse.
on Islands Of Our King by Caducus
24 Nov 2003, 1:55 PM
Like the bit about the islands, kind of makes me think about politicians in northern ireland. Funerals for political murders,usual suspects, turning up, blaming eachother, not breaking the cycle.
Possibly needs to be a bit more clear how islands move together works as a metaphor, or is it figurative for the leaders?
Possibly needs to be a bit more clear how islands move together works as a metaphor, or is it figurative for the leaders?
on Don't fuck with Mr. Haiku by SupremeDreamer
27 Nov 2003, 8:36 AM
More a senryu (a haiku has a nature theme). Giving this a nature theme would be impressive.
Good though, the soft feel of the words and then bang.
Good though, the soft feel of the words and then bang.
on Mr Zero? Your a coward. by DreamerSupreme
27 Nov 2003, 8:42 AM
same here (strangely at 3.30 every day)
on some deleted poem
28 Nov 2003, 12:36 AM
Seems to be playing up the importance of technical terms. I think its broke - doesn't even know. Arrogance of someone thinking they can work something they know nothing about. Just a diy disaster.
To a certain extent provokes thought, but the subject I just can't get excited about.
To a certain extent provokes thought, but the subject I just can't get excited about.
on Poets who are virgins? listen to Mr. Haiku. by Don-Quixote
28 Nov 2003, 5:00 AM
First ones the best, and a nature theme, I mean what could be more natural?
on some deleted poem
1 Dec 2003, 11:35 AM
Has a very nice feel, and I like the addressing of the issue violence begetting violence.
Not sure it is entirely appropriate though, you seem to stand back, coldly impinge on this battered wifes pain. Just to write a poem about it.
Not sure it is entirely appropriate though, you seem to stand back, coldly impinge on this battered wifes pain. Just to write a poem about it.
Like the line breaks too