Comments byricha, 701–720 back, including replies. Only comments on poems

on I cant stand you by sk8rs_rule_all 29 Dec 2003, 9:24 AM
Rather a round about way to say you hate someone for smothering you.

Anyway, I'm on dylans side.

Also read your 'about page': 'if I write poetry as bad as I skateboard I will end up with a broken arm' (something like that.

Classic nonsense, ace, spike milligan would've been proud.
on Is this life real? by singinkygal 28 Dec 2003, 12:05 PM
The end is a bit trite: 'of course it is real (or so it seems)' is not going to add to centuries of debate about human existence.

Is this life real sounds like some innanity from a j-lo song too.

Aside from this though, I certainly like the fluid phrasing.
on Love Is In The Air by Blindpoetry 27 Dec 2003, 3:58 PM
Can it [love] be blue?

Well yes, on film it can. Having said that love in this situation can be rather euphemistic.
on dipsipglish by Crakyamuni 27 Dec 2003, 3:56 PM
A joke at the expense of rap language?

the first line is the best I think, funny
on Lenola prays with a stiletto by SupremeDreamer 27 Dec 2003, 3:54 PM
Liberal use of religious language gives this a certain place.

But the stabbing the priest bit, yes it is extreme but why did it happen? The mood seems resigned rather than violent up until then. And why 'husbands stilletos'
on Fire by Pervy Elf 27 Dec 2003, 3:47 PM
'I have you trapped now' seemed a little odd. Can girls do that?

Other than that OK, there is a certain sadness underneath all the clumsiness.
on Live for Die for by firestorm998 27 Dec 2003, 3:39 PM
You could at least have made an effort.
replying on the gods of rook and man by richa 23 Dec 2003, 2:45 PM
A quarter pound of ass AND a years pass to loom world?
replying on Paint Remover by Samantha 23 Dec 2003, 8:23 AM
You run into a cake shop and as one mask goes up another comes down.
on her treasure by amber1028 23 Dec 2003, 8:20 AM
rather sweet, could do with a couple of original images to grab the reader.
replying on You Give Me Love by Free2Rhyme15 23 Dec 2003, 8:19 AM
'you can't legislate desire'??????.

Thats what the africans say and it was a really good idea for them!!!
on You Give Me Love by Free2Rhyme15 23 Dec 2003, 8:18 AM
and how she gives love!
on Little Bird by Blindpoetry 23 Dec 2003, 8:15 AM
(a)bsurd.

Quite good, the bit about loving the bird at the end is daft. The selfishness to keep the bird for yourself, saying the outside world is worse, praising captivity is rather well written.
on TRUTH by somemorepoetry 23 Dec 2003, 8:12 AM
FALSEHOOD

cute idea though, whimsical.
on Words: lost in translation by fair12 23 Dec 2003, 7:56 AM
very good, line breaks and fresh images on every line. My favourite is 'as a lake in a thimble'
on Friday afternoon Zoo by INTRANSIT 23 Dec 2003, 7:54 AM
This could be a commentary from either side of the cage. (I'm guessing the spectators)
on 7th one about Jon by Plaidypus 23 Dec 2003, 7:47 AM
'i am the peach pit (pith/stone?)/spit out' Is the best line, needs more like that though.
on I Love You by Blindpoetry 19 Dec 2003, 8:39 AM
All the do and too rhymes are pointless.

try - seeing your face/makes me want/that long kiss - for the first four lines (kiss even half-rhymes with face).
on I smell coffee by Princess_Snowflake 19 Dec 2003, 8:33 AM
Too much redundancy, shame because at least you tried to deviate from the usual addiction poems on this site.

'i am a coffee addict/i will drink more of it/ until my toes fall off.
on In my train-IN by ShaNoN+960317485 17 Dec 2003, 8:59 AM
cute, could do with being less dense on the page, some stanzas and punctuation maybe.

The rhythm is the best thing

'sit I must'? perhaps: I must/sit yawning, rubbing scuffling my rump.