on Broken Hearted by thepinkbunnyofdooom
29 Jul 2003, 9:25 AM
So you are not the real PBOD, PBOD is just a kind of puppet you use. A gay puppet, you are not gay the puppet is. Right I think I get it now.
on Gods Musician: Grave Digger by SupremeDreamer
29 Jul 2003, 9:23 AM
some nice lines, a bit schizophrenic skipping from one line to the next without reference to any central theme.
the simple rhyming is not really needed the structure is good as it is
the simple rhyming is not really needed the structure is good as it is
on Octopussed by <{Baba^Yaga}>
29 Jul 2003, 9:18 AM
smart, well sewn
on After seven days in the sun by <~>
29 Jul 2003, 9:13 AM
very skillful to manage a vilanelle with the lines 'Nathalie, riding, found the boy, dead' and 'The coyote, startled, had run on ahead.'
on Infection by nocturnalism
29 Jul 2003, 9:11 AM
I like the first three lines, kind of nonsense poem come dialect poem.
the fourth line upsets the rhythm though.
Nice to see a heavy metal fan not use politicised and loaded terms and build something out of simple language
the fourth line upsets the rhythm though.
Nice to see a heavy metal fan not use politicised and loaded terms and build something out of simple language
on A Simple Emote. by thepinkbunnyofdoom
29 Jul 2003, 9:08 AM
Nice but does the poem have a purpose/ a meaning
on Some die waiting, or laugh forgetting by Shardik
29 Jul 2003, 9:03 AM
'Six years passed by, and so did my fever' is such a good line but it does not fit, shame.
the ever/forever/whereever rhymes shouldn't really work. But this poem reads so well
the ever/forever/whereever rhymes shouldn't really work. But this poem reads so well
on Long Journey by libby_28
29 Jul 2003, 8:58 AM
a bit prosaic and cliched.
'Blood on the pavement my mind elsewhere' I like though distant and irreverent
'Blood on the pavement my mind elsewhere' I like though distant and irreverent
on How it should have happened by INTRANSIT
29 Jul 2003, 8:56 AM
Lots of good lines here, in fact there isn't a line that deviates from the mature style. Unfortunately I think the poem lacks a logic running through it. If there is a logic and at the end you can reveal it, it would make a very good poem
I'll give you an -8- because there is a lot to recommend this
I'll give you an -8- because there is a lot to recommend this
on Us by sk8rs_rule_all
28 Jul 2003, 12:36 PM
not a haiku, last line was funny though
on The Frey by Southern_Bell
24 Jul 2003, 11:42 PM
quite sweet, I like the flow
some of the rhymes seem a bit forced though
some of the rhymes seem a bit forced though
on Read this by Southern_Bell
24 Jul 2003, 11:40 PM
If you are going to use the same rhyme sound for every line you should probably not repeat words night and sight. The words are a bit simple too.
Check out 'I am the gayest' i think by Dark angel for an example of this form (in best list)
Check out 'I am the gayest' i think by Dark angel for an example of this form (in best list)
on A Fine Day To Exit by OnTheOtherHand
24 Jul 2003, 11:58 AM
I like 'apathy beats suicide/doesn't make it brave'
not sure I agree with ' no point in dying/if you won't be missed' though
not sure I agree with ' no point in dying/if you won't be missed' though
usually I have a story in mind keeping it invisible and building up images around it.
This one is about a girl who had left home. With little preparation she set out for the highlands. She was found dead with a note asking for food if anyone found her.
The relevant dates bit refers to how following her death the inquest attempted to fill in the details of what little we know of her
This one is about a girl who had left home. With little preparation she set out for the highlands. She was found dead with a note asking for food if anyone found her.
The relevant dates bit refers to how following her death the inquest attempted to fill in the details of what little we know of her
on A Delicate Poem by EAger to Offend
22 Jul 2003, 10:53 AM
quite good, but poems about poems signal a lack of inspiration
on A Dream, A Bad One by jessicazee
22 Jul 2003, 8:16 AM
Not very poetic and a bit list like.
Having said that this is not bad, afew surprises like 'cinnamon and lemons'
Having said that this is not bad, afew surprises like 'cinnamon and lemons'
other than that a fun poem