on Perfection Forever by odon919
6 Aug 2003, 8:30 AM
Funny how words straight from your heart come out in rhyme.
I think the abbreviations fit in well with the idea of a pimple
I think the abbreviations fit in well with the idea of a pimple
on Are You Experienced? by EAger to Offend
5 Aug 2003, 8:22 AM
nice raw images, I like unharnessed elevator
on Phantom Space Adventure by SupremeDreamer
5 Aug 2003, 8:15 AM
ghosts do not have skin,
other than that enjoyable enough, ending on a rhyming couplet is quite nice. Although again your 'prison of rage' belongs more in a pimple poem
other than that enjoyable enough, ending on a rhyming couplet is quite nice. Although again your 'prison of rage' belongs more in a pimple poem
on Palm Field Park by SupremeDreamer
5 Aug 2003, 8:12 AM
most of the first two verses are not needed. This works for me as the parable of a child alone.
And your 'empty youth' sounds a little adolescent indulgent
And your 'empty youth' sounds a little adolescent indulgent
on A parking lot, a smoke, and the pleasure of being alone by thepinkbunnyofdoom
5 Aug 2003, 7:58 AM
better when read as a pice of prose. The ending is not snappy enough though
on I wanna die by scitz
5 Aug 2003, 7:55 AM
I guess making it a pimple lets you get away with the childish indulgence.
Good, but only because you don't mean it
Good, but only because you don't mean it
on A Dreamers Cookery: Cosmic Gardener [edited] by SupremeDreamer
3 Aug 2003, 11:51 AM
very ambitious.
Last five verses are the best, they could stand as a poem in their own right.
Logic impecable.
First verse is good, nice images.
Not sure about 2 and three.
perhaps a little more subtelty
Last five verses are the best, they could stand as a poem in their own right.
Logic impecable.
First verse is good, nice images.
Not sure about 2 and three.
perhaps a little more subtelty
on I Can See the Sunset in Her Eyes by justjay
3 Aug 2003, 11:43 AM
Pleasant,
on Grampa Morris by http://bandgeek
3 Aug 2003, 11:41 AM
fourth stanza you start talking to someone but it is not obvious who. It breaks the flow.
I get the feeling you are making this up too, a bit contrived.
Other than that nice language selection and all
I get the feeling you are making this up too, a bit contrived.
Other than that nice language selection and all
on A Circle Starts with C by rusty
3 Aug 2003, 11:37 AM
This poem is nonsense, good parts but doesn't seem to lead anywhere.
And usually when people talk about masturbation on here, they have run out of ideas and just want to finish the poem with the first thing that comes into their computer geek head
other than that OK
And usually when people talk about masturbation on here, they have run out of ideas and just want to finish the poem with the first thing that comes into their computer geek head
other than that OK
on A Reporters Saturday Headline Review by Don-Quixote
3 Aug 2003, 11:31 AM
Not sure why god is masquerading as a prostitute.
I guess the final line is about how politicians are glad they are off the front page, or even glad that the virtues they have to live up to are now less.
Anyway like the language employed, and the aggression/irreverence
I guess the final line is about how politicians are glad they are off the front page, or even glad that the virtues they have to live up to are now less.
Anyway like the language employed, and the aggression/irreverence
on In Gold Leaf by bearhead
3 Aug 2003, 11:23 AM
'one must tithe the soul' I'm sure I'd agree if I knew what it meant.
Quite a lot packed in here, quite machiavellian in intent.
Not sure the poem justifies its conclusions fully though.
Quite a lot packed in here, quite machiavellian in intent.
Not sure the poem justifies its conclusions fully though.
on Your Great by scitz
31 Jul 2003, 9:14 AM
Get it!
I'm getting quite a lot today
I'm getting quite a lot today
on I, criminal by INTRANSIT
31 Jul 2003, 9:10 AM
oh I get it you are in jail. Cool idea
I know you wanted a change of scene but this is ridiculous
I know you wanted a change of scene but this is ridiculous
on Snake Oil: A Deadication by OneFingerAnswer
31 Jul 2003, 6:56 AM
structure and flow is terrible, I can hardly read it.
Shame because I quite like the content.
Shame because I quite like the content.
on The Longest Wait (Revised) by Caducus
30 Jul 2003, 8:48 AM
first seven and last five lines are a bit ungamely
the rest is fine
the rest is fine
on The Missing Love by loveisendless
29 Jul 2003, 11:36 PM
Doesn't fit together well.
It would be better without the capitalised onwards
It would be better without the capitalised onwards
on I sat for an hour to watch a spider by Jimbo
29 Jul 2003, 11:35 PM
staring at a spider you saw a spide rin front of you, who would of thought.
Other than that well put
Other than that well put
thanks.