Hey sis!

"My bones your breaking" You are, or you're.

Dreamt.

I live on a mobile couch since the accident.

lolkastic

And what is it now?

I'm sorry , but wearing a hat backwards defeats so many purposes I just have to laugh.

Are you saying butterflies weep? I hope not, because that would only make me weep, and then pee my pants.

Sometimes you make me laugh at the most unhumorous things, you are a charming little woman, now it's time fo a enseless plug

http://www.garageband.com/go/1WU8P9SB89
Whack!

Good Poeme!

"Get on I know, there's not too many places left to go; When I get there I know, I'll be walking back to you" You're already there, why would you walk back again? It's like the satanic hamster wheel of love. When I got to the end of this song I sobbed whole heartedly into my own shoe, because I felt like you wedged a shoe horn into my sole, but more so, my ear drums. The mix is a little low, but the overall sound (chords, verse and chorus) are really well written. It's just the lyrics are unfortunately cannon fodder. Truly, a load of magnetically unbalanced semen swimming in the wrong direction. Your lyrics contradict themselves to death. Literally, every other sentence un-works the one before it, and there is only about ten of them altogether (the whole song is probably only ten sentences, if that). This process of poor lyricism is very common this day, and age, but I will not put up with it. Why put that much effort into the music to only turn around and take a nose dive into the shallows when writing the lyrics. It's an utter sham. Take your time, tell a story, involve your listeners. Speak clearly in a way that makes sense. You are obviously not a poet, because if you were you would not have metaphored yourself into an unapproachable corner like you did. Once again wonderful music, though the production was a bit low. The only negative aspect I felt in this tune, was the absolutely atrocious lyrics coupled by the lead vocalist's weak texture and inaccessible story line.

http://www.liveandloaded.com/Downloads/getonikn

"Fucked up? by Vipersna (commentable)" Is there some part of the title you do not quite grasp, idiot? If it's by you and the borrower admits that 'said' fact in the 'said' title then it's not plagiarized is it. It's inappropriatedly appropriated, or unwillfully borrowed.

runnerup

You know that Journey song " Just a city boy born and raised in south detroit he took the midnite train going blee bloo blee..." ? I forgot the name of it? Do you know the one?

dreadfull really, I mean that was just piss poor, even you can write better then that. Thankgod the grandfathers are jamming on Kcrw right now to make up for me having just read this litmussed diaper rash.

Yes, rhyming brain with again gives me a buzz, always.

Blue oyster kilt.

You write like a teenage boy late blooming and praying that the hair will grow. Grow hair please grow. Drop balls please drop.

Vipersna, could you come read the difference between what you do, and what a writer does, thankyou, next. 10.

"You pummeled me with excrushiating violence." I get the instant visual of you beating your feet with a raquet in the third person upon reading this.

Spell check while your loitering there could you, because this poem is riddled with err.

I would suggest not smoking pot out of cans for a while mate.

Change all 'i's' to pinochio's dress shirt.