on some deleted poem
26 Feb 2003, 5:32 PM
BULBOUS ROOT VEGETABLES?
on rhyming letter by bxjay170
24 Feb 2003, 9:34 PM
Forget the pass--tell her, and spare us.
on some deleted poem
26 Feb 2003, 7:22 PM
Bloody good.
on The Blooding by Mr Pig
26 Feb 2003, 5:53 PM
Black jelly on your tongue, indeed. Bravo.
on Her bloody diamonds by Bachus
26 Feb 2003, 5:57 PM
A suggestion:
try and ease the connections between the lines. Make the rhythm more natural, easy, as spoken word. This is base carbon, and pressure must be applied; too much, and striations ruin the effect; too little, marcasite. You, sir, are a smooth-tongued devil. I sense it is not beyond your ken to make the needed modifications. I anticipate the boldness of the results. Accept this seven, for now. I assure you there is an eleven in hiding. Your task will be to draw it out.
try and ease the connections between the lines. Make the rhythm more natural, easy, as spoken word. This is base carbon, and pressure must be applied; too much, and striations ruin the effect; too little, marcasite. You, sir, are a smooth-tongued devil. I sense it is not beyond your ken to make the needed modifications. I anticipate the boldness of the results. Accept this seven, for now. I assure you there is an eleven in hiding. Your task will be to draw it out.
on some deleted poem
26 Feb 2003, 7:14 PM
That's natural.
on some deleted poem
26 Feb 2003, 7:21 PM
Your short stanza hurt this most; they are awkward as the years they sspeak of. Refine these, and, miller's daughter, you have spun gold.
on some deleted poem
24 Feb 2003, 9:41 PM
My, but your heart is out for all to see. It is difficult to suggest something as trite as this in the face of such emotional bravura, but, what this work dearly needs is a sharp edit--punctuation and capitalisation must be forced to do your will, mistress del corazon.
on some deleted poem
25 Feb 2003, 3:02 PM
Could be funny, but it tries too hard. And, the meter is off. (Perhaps you should let go of your peter.)
on Greek Tragedy#1 by Mr Pig
25 Feb 2003, 3:07 PM
Ah, Pig. I would like the chance to tweak this for you, but it needs a night in my unconscious. I shall sleep with it under my pillow, and, if you'll permit me, offer some words on the morrow.
on some deleted poem
24 Feb 2003, 9:42 PM
Upstart. You dazzle yourself, so.
on some deleted poem
24 Feb 2003, 9:43 PM
This would make a better painting.
on some deleted poem
24 Feb 2003, 9:31 PM
Wash me, Trickster.
on Ode to necrophilia by Bobjim
24 Feb 2003, 9:34 PM
Wouldn't that lead to coprophilia?
on (untitled) by Ray
24 Feb 2003, 4:50 PM
so....dare I say...bad?
on some deleted poem
24 Feb 2003, 10:13 PM
Darkness in the heart, where no light reaches: that is the unnamed thing, missing here.
I would like to know, in S1, what are you trying to get close as possible to?
I would like to know, in S1, what are you trying to get close as possible to?
on Lamente el prostitute by <{Baba^Yaga}>
24 Feb 2003, 4:20 PM
This entire series is money, my friend. Well done.
on some deleted poem
23 Feb 2003, 9:38 PM
Your ending is weak; this rage-enfused treatise requires something stronger.
on some deleted poem
23 Feb 2003, 9:43 PM
Painful, keening, sober. Drink the salt water with me, sister.
on some deleted poem
25 Feb 2003, 8:01 AM
Where is your Golden Mean, Wunderkind?