poemranker ::Her bloody diamonds by Bachus

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Villanelle № 41714

Her bloody diamonds

by Bachus

Member since 2002 · Posted 25 Feb 2003 · Edited 19 Jun 2003 · 7 comments

I loved her bloody diamonds. An impure virago with no windsock. But she will never leave that Island. The way her stones are fashioned. Confabulations became clear rock. I loved her bloody diamonds. When they shined I was enlivened. For her I crowed a healthy cock. But she will never leave that Island. Her eyes are an oriental almond. See how the natives flock. All love her bloody diamonds. I tried to tell her as a friend. That she chose instead to mock. She will never leave that Island. One day soon, she will be wisened. To the ticking of the clock. I loved her bloody diamonds, But she will never leave that Island.

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7 comments

[8] razorgrin 26-Feb-03/10:00 AM Reply
Diamonds are forever. cool.
[n/a] Bachus › razorgrin 26-Feb-03/10:09 AM Reply
Thanks for the ass-hat, by the way, i thought it a noun worth stealing and using quickly.
[8] razorgrin › Bachus 26-Feb-03/1:07 PM Reply
no problem. it's a term that needs propagation.
[0] Lord Ganus 26-Feb-03/12:34 PM Reply
YOU PROMISED ME MALE WHORE POETRY YOU SNOW BOARDING YUTZ. 0.
[9] INTRANSIT 26-Feb-03/2:06 PM Reply
Nice rotation. Put a Villanelle to music yet? I'm sending you a dozen ashtrays, I'm tired of seeing cigarette burns in your carpet, drapes, dog. What say? Send two dozen? Done. Later Gator.
[0] Lord Ganus 26-Feb-03/3:56 PM Reply
AND SO THE HORUSETTLE WARS BEGAN.
[7] Nanshe 26-Feb-03/5:57 PM Reply
A suggestion:
try and ease the connections between the lines. Make the rhythm more natural, easy, as spoken word. This is base carbon, and pressure must be applied; too much, and striations ruin the effect; too little, marcasite. You, sir, are a smooth-tongued devil. I sense it is not beyond your ken to make the needed modifications. I anticipate the boldness of the results. Accept this seven, for now. I assure you there is an eleven in hiding. Your task will be to draw it out.