on some deleted poem
13 Aug 2002, 12:36 PM
pete--why didn't you move the lines around, so that the visual appearance of the poem contributes to the shape it makes in the mind's eye?
on in a parking lot by <~>
12 Aug 2002, 12:02 PM
god bless the sneezers! they need it. sorry about your thumb. i spent yesterday floating in a lake, talking about riptides with divers. nary a wave to be seen, but plenty o'sun, and time to think.
on Sleepy Geek by razorgrin
12 Aug 2002, 12:27 PM
it's no fun being in the service industry, period. perhaps an other unholy bargain could be struck? --liked it lots.
on My Hidden Love for You by Kriss
12 Aug 2002, 11:07 AM
haha. me? wise. nope. but i'm glad my comments helped you.
on The Sea by Tarquin De La Bog
13 Aug 2002, 9:49 PM
i'd like to see more of your poetry, T de la B. you have been quite vocal, of late. put your words, um, where your other words are. yeah, that's exactly it. post some, so that we, in turn, may have our turn at summing you.
on some deleted poem
13 Aug 2002, 9:58 PM
the last line, why did you do that? it was going some where, and with the last line, it fell flat. IMHO.
on some deleted poem
13 Aug 2002, 9:43 PM
alack, allay! i no longer possess the only 'triangle poem' (as p&k so brilliantly dubbed it) on the site. methinks i should end it all, now, before everyone tries me with their angles! apart from that, i must say that your keen observation of the mundane and subsequent crafting of the experience into language almost always delights me. wry to the core. encore.
on Let's praise the flesh peddler by horus8
13 Aug 2002, 6:38 PM
dear mr. tourette, may i just say <fuck yeah, horus> that i found your piece <meaty beaty big and bouncy> most stimulating <ejaculation complete>. i say old boy, <horny bastard> solid <rock hard> use of metaphor! mesmerising mood <rufie>! keep up <mmmm...> the good work!
on some deleted poem
13 Aug 2002, 7:49 PM
i like the idea behind this and there are some powerful images scratched here, but it seems like, in trying to keep the rhyming, you loose the thread of purpose. it could be so much better.
on Nude Limbo by forestchild7
13 Aug 2002, 8:32 PM
you wrote it april 15th? i guess if you're wonder what to do with yourself, in case your lover's a no-show, you could always do your taxes...
on Let's praise the flesh peddler by horus8
13 Aug 2002, 9:08 PM
evening h. take what you can from the lamity. there must be something there worth looking at...sophia notwithstanding. i have been told that is most disturbing, the way i tend to vanish from social events without a word of warning. i just can't abide the 'scene'. got better things to do. like jack off into my palm...oh, my, that sounded vaguely offensive. heh. i'm being a dick now. better go focus on something other than how tired i am. must...write...before...slepp. ta.
on Butterflies by eviltwin
12 Aug 2002, 6:48 PM
'storm of a thousand whispers' 'spun light web' 'sun-buttered' i am sated. thank you.
on To You, In Warmer Climes by <~>
12 Aug 2002, 5:50 PM
babbit--actually, i had not tried it sans articles. i recently rewrote it, and you are right; it could be tighter. as for the 'cross', it's a cross rhyme with longer, and i liked the truncation of the word as well as the mental suggestion of trial/suffering that the word invokes. so, my poem has its 'cross' to bear. and longer, not only for the rhyme, but also for the sense of passage of time. as for the one-dimensional comment, that was indeen for p&k; i find your work to be layered with meaning. also, the whole point of the triangle poem, as it has come to be known in these circles, is that all balances on the 'I'. very awkward, with the weight of the world on one's shoulders, non?
on some deleted poem
12 Aug 2002, 3:33 PM
babbitt--again, subtly evoked vast emptiness. p&k--are you really as one dimensional as you purport?
on some deleted poem
12 Aug 2002, 12:07 PM
one point for each stanza
on some deleted poem
12 Aug 2002, 6:46 PM
WHY SHOUT? other than that, i like it
on good-bye kansas city: meditation #1 by poetandknowit
12 Aug 2002, 5:57 PM
all right p&k. i'll give it up for this one. i'm smiling big now.
on silence of the sky by david
13 Aug 2002, 9:56 PM
i want to know who 'we' are.
on some deleted poem
12 Aug 2002, 6:16 PM
the mix of archaic and modern language doesn't work here.