on Moosefart's Revenge by wwFrasier Allonbyww
4 Aug 2003, 10:44 AM
wow. as a bipolar2 myself, i disown her.
on father by girlandwords
4 Aug 2003, 10:38 AM
nice rhythm. well done.
on Karma by http://mulberryfairy
4 Aug 2003, 10:16 AM
nice. especially like, "like a recent victim
on a Lifetime movie. " (but i'd delete 'recent')
on a Lifetime movie. " (but i'd delete 'recent')
on A Reporters Saturday Headline Review by Don-Quixote
4 Aug 2003, 8:19 AM
sorry dq, this leaves me flat. maybe i'm in a mood this morning, but it's coming across as imitative and banal. the bar just got heavier.
on Sex on bugs by LuckyJoe
4 Aug 2003, 8:13 AM
luckyjoe-
this is poorly written, and entertaining in a pre-teen, wow SEX! kind of way. you give everything away; you give nothing away, and you do it without skill. i suspect you plan on beoming a teacher, since you gave us a list of reading-comprhension questions at the end.
insteadof being impressed by your misguided sense of your own cleverness, may i humbly suggest you study the english language?
that is all.
this is poorly written, and entertaining in a pre-teen, wow SEX! kind of way. you give everything away; you give nothing away, and you do it without skill. i suspect you plan on beoming a teacher, since you gave us a list of reading-comprhension questions at the end.
insteadof being impressed by your misguided sense of your own cleverness, may i humbly suggest you study the english language?
that is all.
replying on -=Dark_Angel=- RAP by poemwanker
4 Aug 2003, 7:41 AM
have i been particularly pestilential towards you of late? i had not noticed. i guess maybe i should sit a few rows back on the bus. maybe that would help? or maybe not buy exactly the same groceries as you? nor wear my hair like that?
no, sorry, i could not go on if i left you alone. the restraining order was on pink paper this time. its flaccid hue makes a lovely bright spot in my collection.
no, sorry, i could not go on if i left you alone. the restraining order was on pink paper this time. its flaccid hue makes a lovely bright spot in my collection.
replying on -=Dark_Angel=- RAP by poemwanker
4 Aug 2003, 7:26 AM
gRoin.
on Lethal Weapon by poetandkonwit
2 Aug 2003, 6:13 PM
shit. you got me!
hahahaha!!!
wank!
hahahaha!!!
wank!
replying on Lethal Weapon by poetandkonwit
2 Aug 2003, 5:58 PM
it means he asks me if i slept naked.
on Oxywarmonger by poetandknowit
2 Aug 2003, 1:09 AM
yes. much clearer. but you forgot homeland security and the TIA. althou those are probably buzz words, and now we're both on a list...
replying on Can you believe this piece of shit was #1? by horus8
1 Aug 2003, 1:25 PM
hey, don't forget your painted pony and your spinning wheel.
replying on Witness to a Murder by poetandknowit
1 Aug 2003, 10:32 AM
see: http://www.blackbird.vcu.edu/v2n1/poetry
replying on Oxywarmonger by poetandknowit
1 Aug 2003, 10:03 AM
???
on Everyone thinks I'm Settle by King Abdullah II
1 Aug 2003, 10:01 AM
oh, my! i had never seen this one! and, for the longest time, i did think you were settle. may i still call you settle? you know,for old times sake? <sniff>
replying on I'll Save You The Effort by wwFrasier Allonbyww
1 Aug 2003, 9:59 AM
envy? no, non, no. i'm not endowed for envy.
replying on I'll Save You The Effort by wwFrasier Allonbyww
1 Aug 2003, 9:59 AM
had you left your moniker as -=Dark__Angel=-, i would have noted it! and i'm pretty damn sure there were only a handful you didn't fool on that one. nice work, there.
In my void I was fulfilled,
I'd nothing pure to give
a skilled liar, choosing to lure the pure,
to make them feel secure,
and promise everything
Then slam the door.
okay, that's not much trimming, but it gives the words more violence. which they need, based on the intent. passive voice doen't work here.