on Allegheny Winter Lament by jdsnyd
3 Dec 2002, 11:49 PM
why so unsettled? why the jags? winter smoothes, buries all in its bitter greyed skin.
on Where Beauty Goes by jhackman
3 Dec 2002, 11:48 PM
hold a rose while you may. the memory damns me.
on The futillity of charity. by darby pyn
3 Dec 2002, 11:26 PM
but this is not tailored. nor is it off the rack. this is a find. show it off.
on she said by Bill Z Bub
3 Dec 2002, 11:24 PM
i like it. i like the title, although if you must change it, i suggest "she said".
replying on Silence by Cha no Onna
3 Dec 2002, 12:24 PM
i think it works beautifully now.
replying on Silence by Cha no Onna
3 Dec 2002, 10:49 AM
no, the comments stay; only the votes go away. but we will revote. many of us here are always revising. i am editing one of mine now, for the 4th time, and all the original comments are intact.
i look forward to your revisions. z
i look forward to your revisions. z
on Superhuman - Nature - Hero by royalflesh
3 Dec 2002, 10:34 AM
please fix the ???'s. and pick me up at 7. eight's too long a wait, love.
on Beliefs? by RWAndersen
3 Dec 2002, 10:18 AM
typo
on HATTIE by Nicholas Monson
3 Dec 2002, 10:16 AM
nice job.
on There is no Happy Hour in Bakersfield, Ca. by horus8
3 Dec 2002, 8:43 AM
excellent.
on Silence by Cha no Onna
3 Dec 2002, 8:29 AM
this is beautiful.
but, in the third stanza, you say we sing, then in the single line (s4?) you say that you are mute. you keep crossing the line/confusing solitary (i, them) and together (we). if you worked this out, this would be near perfect. nice job.
but, in the third stanza, you say we sing, then in the single line (s4?) you say that you are mute. you keep crossing the line/confusing solitary (i, them) and together (we). if you worked this out, this would be near perfect. nice job.
on Live from Boise Idaho...the cads! by Bachus
2 Dec 2002, 8:30 AM
DAMMIT, MAN! STOP READING MY DIARY!
on The Slanty Shanty by Quarton
2 Dec 2002, 8:17 AM
very prosaic, and thoroughly enjoyable. i agree with hatters hare; also, fix a few typos.
reminds me of the time when a tornado went through new haven, taking out all the century-old sycamores and breaking not a single pane on the greenhouse across the street...
reminds me of the time when a tornado went through new haven, taking out all the century-old sycamores and breaking not a single pane on the greenhouse across the street...
on ODE TO NICHOLAS JONES III by lukehanney
2 Dec 2002, 6:52 AM
this is very funny. i had no idea that nicholas jones was such a resource for the poet in you.
replying on Of Curves and Straight Lines by Quarton
1 Dec 2002, 1:08 PM
de nada. it's not so much the technique i take issue with, as it works beautifully for you. i think you could have gotten there more efficaciously. my mood of late has been one of elimination, and my comments are reflecting that. my own writings--well, i am editing down to nil, so i have not been posting as much. i'd be honored if you looked at my stuff. thanks. z
on Of Curves and Straight Lines by Quarton
30 Nov 2002, 5:59 PM
hone it. excellent ideas and images, but the clustering, the clustering! it drowns the piece.
on The postman just walked in, no ring was heard. by Bachus
30 Nov 2002, 5:48 PM
it's been too late for a long time, poor chap. admitting you have a problem is the first step, though.
sante! <slurp>
sante! <slurp>
on this is us by roses are read
30 Nov 2002, 5:46 PM
"to fix the goddamn thing so it doesn't tell the truth anymore."
who ever tells the truth, he dies.
who ever tells the truth, he dies.
on Sealed with a kiss by Sugarbbybuttrfly
30 Nov 2002, 5:36 PM
um, should you have maybe put this in a letter to dan, so that only he saw it? i wish you had done that. truly i do.