on The hypocrisy of calling it tolerance by impert&ent
4 Nov 2003, 7:27 PM
yeah, what TP said.
on some deleted poem
5 Nov 2003, 8:00 AM
don't go, oh subject of this poem - this place needs more people who aren't rude.
It has a good premise, and a great execution - we just need a broader audience.
It has a good premise, and a great execution - we just need a broader audience.
on I AM THE BEST by ____________________
5 Nov 2003, 12:09 PM
oh god. My head hurts.
Three stanzas and I would have liked it just fine - I might have even repeated it to *myself* a hundred times after - cuz it's catchy.
Now I just want to take a pill and hope it goes away.
Three stanzas and I would have liked it just fine - I might have even repeated it to *myself* a hundred times after - cuz it's catchy.
Now I just want to take a pill and hope it goes away.
on i love this shit by Yatasuma
5 Nov 2003, 12:35 PM
LoL - very funny.
five seven then five
do you need an abacus?
I counted this thrice.
five seven then five
do you need an abacus?
I counted this thrice.
on some deleted poem
6 Nov 2003, 6:00 AM
It is very good.
on some deleted poem
6 Nov 2003, 7:02 AM
Well described
"A rose of crimson, a body falling"; nice.
"A rose of crimson, a body falling"; nice.
on A Truth About Mortals by Caducus
6 Nov 2003, 8:26 AM
Some really good concepts, like the boxed russian dolls, manufacturing linked with Taiwanese children, sardines brined from stress (sweaty sweaty) - but I think the thing could use a diet, and the meaning wanders a bit, imho (as usual).
for example, the word truth is there a few times too many maybe. Given what is here, ask yourself, again, what point(s) your are trying to make, and make a stab at refocusing it. You may find you have enough trimmings for another poem.
As a final thought - consider changing it to a third person. I know, I know - your poem conveys a personal message of self-definition - but I think you can do that, and hold the readers sympathies better if there is a character involved.
for example, the word truth is there a few times too many maybe. Given what is here, ask yourself, again, what point(s) your are trying to make, and make a stab at refocusing it. You may find you have enough trimmings for another poem.
As a final thought - consider changing it to a third person. I know, I know - your poem conveys a personal message of self-definition - but I think you can do that, and hold the readers sympathies better if there is a character involved.
on God bless your stool plop by <{Baba^Yaga}>
6 Nov 2003, 8:35 AM
I'm sorry, this is crap.
In all your personalities you show a gift for fresh perspective - and that comes easily to you.
But this putting it into a readable form thing; harder, eh?
- when you find that the poem just drops out of you, instead of just posting the shit - how about spending a little time to form it into something presentable?
Maybe then you won't need nine avatars to carry things to the screen.
The shock of the stink only carries you so far (or I've just gotten used to it).
In all your personalities you show a gift for fresh perspective - and that comes easily to you.
But this putting it into a readable form thing; harder, eh?
- when you find that the poem just drops out of you, instead of just posting the shit - how about spending a little time to form it into something presentable?
Maybe then you won't need nine avatars to carry things to the screen.
The shock of the stink only carries you so far (or I've just gotten used to it).
on BREATH by ShaNoN+960317485
6 Nov 2003, 8:48 AM
greets ShabigNlittleOHbigN
A clever riddle, pleasantly done. Didja mean to leave the "e" off of hast[e]? Hard to tell with the dialect.
A clever riddle, pleasantly done. Didja mean to leave the "e" off of hast[e]? Hard to tell with the dialect.
on some deleted poem
6 Nov 2003, 6:27 PM
nice. rings honest.
on some deleted poem
6 Nov 2003, 6:30 PM
rolls right along.
suggestion:
Endless pain[s]
Motion drain[s]
a nice distillation.
suggestion:
Endless pain[s]
Motion drain[s]
a nice distillation.
on Marrowless highway by INTRANSIT
6 Nov 2003, 6:52 PM
I get it - CARachters; a coinage!
a blown radiator - is one car heaped onto another?
car clues: [mercury] sable, [plymouth] voyager, [i forgot, honda?] Escape? hemi as partial - cute.
here are some car cues of mine:
16G,1G BOV,2600ACT,AFC,MSD - is that enough to guess what it is?
a blown radiator - is one car heaped onto another?
car clues: [mercury] sable, [plymouth] voyager, [i forgot, honda?] Escape? hemi as partial - cute.
here are some car cues of mine:
16G,1G BOV,2600ACT,AFC,MSD - is that enough to guess what it is?
on some deleted poem
6 Nov 2003, 6:58 PM
I had one of those a while back - hit a phone pole with it.
A bad injector?
A nice descriptive bit of motorhead writing - and it even rhymes; must be good.
A bad injector?
A nice descriptive bit of motorhead writing - and it even rhymes; must be good.
on some deleted poem
7 Nov 2003, 7:28 AM
Thanks IT, and Z - I see that, too - easy to get caught up in the thing. Once an image is there, hard to decide what to trim.
I've been doing bonsai for the past 10 years or so - same damn thing. But for the sake of the ultimate vision, and the good of the plant...
snip snip twist twist.
I've been doing bonsai for the past 10 years or so - same damn thing. But for the sake of the ultimate vision, and the good of the plant...
snip snip twist twist.
on Awefucked by a Shushin Shitzu (freefuck) by <{Baba^Yaga}>
7 Nov 2003, 9:01 PM
I am honored, truly honored.
[wipes eye, ass; flushes]
[wipes eye, ass; flushes]
on Naylor's Handbag by Bobjim
7 Nov 2003, 9:07 PM
Love the title.
The rest - quite good too, catchy and smoove. Nice!
The rest - quite good too, catchy and smoove. Nice!
on Paper Bag Scenario by dragonfly
7 Nov 2003, 9:11 PM
I like this quite alot.
Does anyone remember the unknown comic (Gong Show)? He wore a bag on his head too.
Did you shed your clothes for the unkown comic??
Does anyone remember the unknown comic (Gong Show)? He wore a bag on his head too.
Did you shed your clothes for the unkown comic??
it illustrates a lack of understanding that there is more than one way to skin a cat (other than fold or punch).
Maybe the writer will nod in agreement then, machiavelli-like, bend the result to his will behind the scenes??
Nah, thats just crazy talk.