on nothing, as today by <~>
21 Jan 2003, 4:03 PM
Fantastic. Minimal. Just what I was thinking the other day, only a lacked your articulance. Thank you.
on Listen For Once by Sarahmarie
21 Jan 2003, 3:04 PM
Jesus Christ girl, slooow down, infact STOP, take a look. The mothers love you because you're just like them. The boys are tired of their moms, be some other thing. What the fuck do you care anyway? You carry the seed. Anyway your poem is bland and of low-intellect.
on 2 weeks and a day by Bill Z Bub
21 Jan 2003, 2:59 PM
Last stanza first sentence, Jesus this is what i live for. "Roughed dewed" What the fuck does it mean I can't say, but my heart is in love with it. A good draft.
on Matter Of Fact by wordontheverge
21 Jan 2003, 1:05 AM
Some fantastic lines. 'Turning into a...' is a wonderful line. this needs some editing but otherwise very touching.
on Epistemology (2nd draft) by Ranger
20 Jan 2003, 8:33 PM
ok here goes...
The first line is half good, the first half. try to come up with a more interestng way of saying the rest.
Is it important for the Greek to be sitting? If not just say the Greek..
Contemplating-- morality... Why do you put 'issues such as' in there? These are the things you need to eliminate, these terrible unnecessaries. They work for creating a character's personality, but since this is you talking, and your subject is complicated enough as it is, not to mention you're writing poetry, brevity is your friend.
...and what makes it do real...
...such as the sorts of...
...onto-should be 'to'...
...and what makes it so real(how about and it's reality')...
Oh well got to go libraries closing. I'll get back to it later tonight. The point is you are learning to crawl, and that's ok. Pay attention to those writers you admire, copy their style for a while, your's will emerge.
The first line is half good, the first half. try to come up with a more interestng way of saying the rest.
Is it important for the Greek to be sitting? If not just say the Greek..
Contemplating-- morality... Why do you put 'issues such as' in there? These are the things you need to eliminate, these terrible unnecessaries. They work for creating a character's personality, but since this is you talking, and your subject is complicated enough as it is, not to mention you're writing poetry, brevity is your friend.
...and what makes it do real...
...such as the sorts of...
...onto-should be 'to'...
...and what makes it so real(how about and it's reality')...
Oh well got to go libraries closing. I'll get back to it later tonight. The point is you are learning to crawl, and that's ok. Pay attention to those writers you admire, copy their style for a while, your's will emerge.
on The Militarization of America by Quarton
20 Jan 2003, 2:47 PM
You're telling me, not showing me. Which turns important information into useless rhetoric. Our real strengthes? Give me some examples of what you've seen. 'A policy of guns for butter' you'd need more of these concrete examples. Make it more interesting, touch me.
on Perversions 3: Payback by razorgrin
17 Jan 2003, 1:55 AM
It's not nice to show the war you're living inside.
on the midget of humiliation by Bill Z Bub
16 Jan 2003, 8:35 AM
Get rid of 'at least I know...' Get rid of the midget, he got you going but doesn't fit in with this educated crowd of words. the poem starts at stanza 3-'Out by...' the last 3 lines are really wonderful. You need to concentrate between 'updraft...I had to take the train' .
on Old Man by keatsImnot
16 Jan 2003, 3:25 AM
So we kicked the shit out of him and hit him hard in the head with our bong, man. Then the police came and said the dude was dead.
on flight (a poem written in high school) by Bill Z Bub
15 Jan 2003, 12:43 AM
Quite fine. Did you ever get to fuck the Language Arts teacher. Were you scandalous? Too shy right, too stupid to make a move.
on Playing Jerry and crap by w~* ATHENA *~w
15 Jan 2003, 12:36 AM
Spot the Looney.
replying on alienheart by Bill Z Bub
15 Jan 2003, 12:26 AM
A rat?! A Rat really? well no wonder we have a kinship. My darling rats so diligent and out of touch. Rats always survive. i follow them quietly and make them fall in love with my elegance. My dear sweet rats.
on alienheart by Bill Z Bub
15 Jan 2003, 12:20 AM
A mish-mosh.
on Faith Poem by jess33
14 Jan 2003, 11:10 PM
The last stanzas a beauty. All in all I certainly understand. I get it, so for that a long withheld 10.
on Skin on My Soup by jessicazee
14 Jan 2003, 11:04 PM
The trick is not to let it come to a boil. Neither soup, nor jello, nor gravy. Heat it through, but do not scald. You must stand at attendance, with the flame at low-medium. Then when the steam begins to rise from the rim, take it off the heat and cover. Perfect, I never have served an unsightly dish.
replying on Good to the Last Drop by Bonehiss
14 Jan 2003, 4:19 PM
Cafe sans Lait.
Morning without you.
There is no sugar can unbitter this final cup.
Morning without you.
There is no sugar can unbitter this final cup.
on insomnia by Bill Z Bub
14 Jan 2003, 4:13 PM
Our bodies shall meet over such a dish.
on Good to the Last Drop by Bonehiss
14 Jan 2003, 4:03 PM
Hate the titled. Mrs. Folgers and all that. We share a word. Weren't you once some other name?
on a poet in the city by Bill Z Bub
13 Jan 2003, 8:46 AM
Above the waist she's pretty, but she's got too much junk in her trunk. I think the main thing is the editing. I've read some very good things but they're drowning in butter, and I can't appreaciate the subtlities. Perhaps it is just a matter of taste.
on not even soup by <~>
13 Jan 2003, 12:07 AM
How does the title imply a soup kitchen? Being soupless.