on Pennies by woodstock20000
23 Feb 2005, 3:13 AM
You sure do a lot of grieving for those days. It's kind of sad. -10-
on For Elizabeth, Wherever She May Be by wilco
20 Feb 2005, 5:35 AM
This is good.
Dear Christ this is bad.
I mean, not just grammar bad,
Though that's a big part of it.
It's simply philosophically unsound,
Callous to the extreme,
Dangerous,
And all around poorly conceived and phrased.
To read this comment, please print it in a single line of text on a rock and fling it at your head.
I'm being absolutely serious.
So none of this 'zodiac just likes to pick out little things and ignore the blah blah blah' crap, please.
PS-I just read your comment beginning "War is bad." Consider taking some of your own advice.
I mean, not just grammar bad,
Though that's a big part of it.
It's simply philosophically unsound,
Callous to the extreme,
Dangerous,
And all around poorly conceived and phrased.
To read this comment, please print it in a single line of text on a rock and fling it at your head.
I'm being absolutely serious.
So none of this 'zodiac just likes to pick out little things and ignore the blah blah blah' crap, please.
PS-I just read your comment beginning "War is bad." Consider taking some of your own advice.
on A Child's Christmas by Sasha
22 Feb 2005, 6:26 AM
"But stopped because the star was not the floor" is too cute. :-(
on some deleted poem
22 Feb 2005, 6:30 AM
A shoe with a head? What the fuck ever!
on some deleted poem
22 Feb 2005, 6:31 AM
Jesus, two mad/sad rhymes in one post. -2-
on Help me find a poet (This is an actual question, not a poem) by Plaidypus
22 Feb 2005, 6:31 AM
Jeremi B. Handrinos
on The Plane of War by MacFrantic
22 Feb 2005, 6:32 AM
Before reading this poem, I didn't know war was bad.
on Mistress of Dreams by Dreammaker1024
23 Feb 2005, 3:26 AM
Could you explain the line "In their palms they hold my depth"?
on Jack and Jill by Dovina
23 Feb 2005, 3:31 AM
You would. But why?
on It’s the Management by Dovina
25 Feb 2005, 10:48 PM
I don't think you have a really good idea what you're trying to say.
on Hunter Thompson, In The Off Beat Chance Of Cunnilingus by horus8
25 Feb 2005, 10:17 PM
The best part was "my hair was dark and short".
on Untitled by MacFrantic
25 Feb 2005, 11:00 PM
Punctuate at the line ends.
Delete the "all" before flattery, and make flattery 3 syllables.
Write this in real English.
Write it on a real topic.
Delete the "all" before flattery, and make flattery 3 syllables.
Write this in real English.
Write it on a real topic.
on Ode by James Rykelangeli
27 Feb 2005, 10:03 PM
Welcome to poemranker. It's funny you wrote a poem in a stuffy contemptuous rhetorical style about stuffy contemptuous rhetorical poets.
on Homecoming Parade by wilco
27 Feb 2005, 10:05 PM
Please consider dropping the "I quit my job" and "I quit my life" bits.
on How Do I Become a Poet? (with John B. Benitez) by Vince Dolamando
27 Feb 2005, 10:07 PM
I'd guess you probably just need to grow about twenty years while not ending up like Dovina.
on To Hell With Dylan Thomas by villy_zee_vanker
28 Feb 2005, 9:49 PM
It's not a bad poem, but I think it's unfair since Dylan Thomas can't answer, having pickled himself ages ago. Why don't you write a response to someone living? Seriously.
Some real advice for once:
- Don't invert word order for a rhyme.
- Don't cripple grammar for a rhyme.
- Don't rhyme fear/tear, choose/lose, stand/hand, or taken/forsaken. An easy rule is: if any song I've ever heard does it, don't.
- The way you continue sentences through lines like the ones ending in 'shun' and 'back' is really good. The rest of the lines seem poorly connected and mostly for rhyme's sake.
- Punctuate.
- Don't write poems about friends dissing and you don't know why.
- Don't invert word order for a rhyme.
- Don't cripple grammar for a rhyme.
- Don't rhyme fear/tear, choose/lose, stand/hand, or taken/forsaken. An easy rule is: if any song I've ever heard does it, don't.
- The way you continue sentences through lines like the ones ending in 'shun' and 'back' is really good. The rest of the lines seem poorly connected and mostly for rhyme's sake.
- Punctuate.
- Don't write poems about friends dissing and you don't know why.
on Kaleidoscopic (Re-Edit) by Sasha
22 Feb 2005, 6:23 AM
These are the rough lines:
with old components, as you brush or soap,
with stranger friends who blow us off with “Nope,
- I can't say what's wrong with them exactly, except the first one should probably not have a "brush or" and the second is simply too run-on to end with Nope.
I can't remember how it was before. I thought maybe better?
with old components, as you brush or soap,
with stranger friends who blow us off with “Nope,
- I can't say what's wrong with them exactly, except the first one should probably not have a "brush or" and the second is simply too run-on to end with Nope.
I can't remember how it was before. I thought maybe better?