| Re: Where are you, Sally Jesse Rafiel? by GregDeEgg |
10-Apr-04/6:34 AM |
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For misspelling Raphael: -7-
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| Re: a comment on The Kings of Paradise by Spindle |
10-Apr-04/6:32 AM |
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Fine. This poem is a failure on several different levels. I recommend that you write about things you actually have some experience with in a straightforward and relatively unambiguous way. You're welcome.
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| Re: a comment on The Kings of Paradise by Spindle |
8-Apr-04/9:31 PM |
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| Re: Polyester Mustache by Bachus |
8-Apr-04/4:09 PM |
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Upon first reading your title, I thought, hmm, an improbable adjective-noun pairing... what's he doing, ripping off Shuushin? Then I realized - no!!! It's a polar opposite to my own post, 'Hologram Glasses'! Yen and Yang!!! Then the force of the ejaculation that ensued from this realization flipped me backwards in my swivel office chair laying me up with a concussion so severe that for a splendorous minute upon awakening I thought I was wcrystal lane swiftw. Everything was very beautiful and pink translucent plastic and I met Jesus and we danced all night to 'Lady In Red' and in the morning he married me with a piece of his Holy Foreskin. Then I awoke in a puddle of pinkish jizz with an unholy hangover and a swollen ringpiece that spoke of terrible buggering. The point being, clench should be clinch, I believe, and great poem.
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| Re: ritual of now intensified by nentwined |
8-Apr-04/4:00 PM |
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Welcome back! You should get a ten for just posting again, but manna has two n's and this is my third poemranker poem about coffee today.
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| Re: a comment on The Kings of Paradise by Spindle |
8-Apr-04/1:35 PM |
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No. Have you ever smoked marijuana? I am. Did you know there are other jestery smokeable drugs that can be more accurately described as lacy than weed. No, I'd guess not, since you are the kind of person who'd say a poem is about 'drugs'.
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| Re: SEASON OF WINTER by galaxy4unknown |
8-Apr-04/7:48 AM |
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I HAVE THE SAME PROBLEM - MY KEYBOARD ONLY HAS CAPITAL LETTERS.
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| Re: a comment on Martyrs in suburbia - (we wander like breezes) by zodiac |
7-Apr-04/8:48 PM |
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Rhymes with harder and part-or. I have no need to have looked up martyrdom at dictionary.com, as ten years of Catholic-school nuns tattooed it in very large print on my ass.
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| Re: a comment on The Kings of Paradise by Spindle |
7-Apr-04/8:43 PM |
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I didn't notice the alls. When I first read this, I think I saw it as a bitter metaphor for p/r, which is why I gave it such a high vote. But looking at it now, I'm inclined to regard it as a magick-faieriye-dance poem, with some silly language like "Dark as night with day's own light." That doesn't make the slightest sense; it's just poetic jibber-jabber. So, a compromise: Spindle, you slipped one by me, so your vote stands. I'll be more careful in the future.
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| Re: a comment on -=Dark_Angel=- RAP by poemwanker |
7-Apr-04/2:34 PM |
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The medieval mystic Catherine of Siena believed Jesus married her during a vision by giving her the foreskin from his circumcision.
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| Re: The Pear Blossom Highway by Shardik |
6-Apr-04/6:55 PM |
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Welcome back. Without you here I had to be the gay one. I was awful at it.
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| Re: A Quick Lick Of Yellow by Jeremi B. Handrinos |
6-Apr-04/4:15 PM |
I feel like whenever I try to make a substantive comment on your poems you're like ohmygod bitch, like you can even and shit, but here goes:
I don't see why you didn't write "down a path lit with hibachi, (comma)" or something besides "as the waters miasma". Or why this doesn't make more like your usual amount of sense.
But you do deserve props for inventing the first courier-specific poetry with your truly magical villanelle "Often, I'll sit down to pee." And for being the world's first successful Negro soul transplant. -10-
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| Re: Escaper by fevriere |
6-Apr-04/10:59 AM |
Foresake should be Forsake.
I'm a little muddy on 'the polite case', but I'm sure you mean something by it.
I would like to see you put a different punctuation after 'up' and eliminate the 'for' afterward. Though when I read it it sounds good.
I find it reads better with a comma after faked and no 'and' before 'worn'. See what you think.
'At your heart, a poor gown' is the weakest line and should be re-written. The last lines are really strong arresting etc, but I wonder if there's a better word to put in the place of 'worth'.
The form seems to work pretty well. You might consider putting some space in every couple of lines, though. I don't know, play around and see what you think.
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| Re: a comment on A Flower for Monet by Shuushin |
6-Apr-04/10:04 AM |
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Exactly. And if you're a doctor, I'm an amateur surprise prostate-examiner.
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| Re: a comment on A Flower for Monet by Shuushin |
6-Apr-04/9:40 AM |
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| Re: a comment on A Flower for Monet by Shuushin |
6-Apr-04/9:32 AM |
Of course -- no, wait. Bow'ls.
Would you care to expl -- sorry again. Bow'ls.
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| Re: Alone by Deluxotron |
6-Apr-04/4:33 AM |
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Hey, I wanted you to know I thought this was a really well-written lyric reminiscent of the ______ian ramblings of Mr _______ with some clever half-rhymes too, but it's my policy to give any poem which refers to suicide an automatic zero. The reason I do this is that have good reason to believe that ninety-nine percent of suicidals are just attention-grubbing whiners who think they're fucking Kurdnt Kobbayne or Sylvia Plath and that giving them pity, praise, or any kind of attention at all only encourages their self-aggrandizing gothic tendencies. You say, what the fuck do you know, you fucking asshole? or something along those lines. To which I say, I know more people who've successfully (and unsuccessfully) committed suicide than you, and I've gotten sick to death of it. Don't come barking up my tree on this, I have rabies. Good day.
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| Re: a comment on Plastic Explosive Iraqi-Man by Enkidu |
6-Apr-04/4:17 AM |
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"The day after the end of the cast-e-less world" -- can you explain what this means?
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| Re: Plastic Explosive Iraqi-Man by Enkidu |
5-Apr-04/9:14 PM |
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"The day after the end of the castless world" -- can you explain what this means?
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| Re: a comment on Mr. Jawharp Man by Sidekickboy |
5-Apr-04/5:47 PM |
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Hey, you know what? Bow'ls.
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