Re: a comment on youre there... by PhSbLoNdE569	5-Mar-04/1:49 PM
I'm not trying to stop them. But I just realized this is the 295th of this exact poem I've read in the last 2 months, which has made me momentarily bitter beyond even the trasitory healing powers of gasoline-huffing and rough masturbation. How does one keep from becoming a shriveled husk of a person here?
Re: No Sunday Clothes by wilco	5-Mar-04/1:41 PM
If any of you at all seemed even halfway open to real critical comments, this site probably wouldn't be such a pants-wetting nightmare from which there is no waking. Don't you think?
Re: youre there... by PhSbLoNdE569	5-Mar-04/1:38 PM
If any of you at all seemed even halfway open to real critical comments, this site probably wouldn't be such a boring, soul-blackening mindfuck. Don't you think?
Re: a comment on Sages by meektiger15	5-Mar-04/1:34 PM
No. By the way, I read 'o.O' as your two differently-sized testes with a bit of vas deferens cross-section. Am I wrong?
Re: In My Minds Eye by daveslady	5-Mar-04/4:15 AM
If any of you at all seemed even halfway open to real critical comments, this site probably wouldn't be such a depressing, soul-blackening mindfuck. Don't you think?
Re: A Dutch Peasant by richa	4-Mar-04/1:44 PM
Great, as ever - though a little obviously a haiku (to me; maybe no one else will notice.) How important is it for you to stick to haiku form? Also, you're missing a semicolon (!) or period after lowlands.
Re: Windfarm by Nicholas Jones	4-Mar-04/1:40 PM
This poem is good except for the overuse of 'as' sentence structures (because any use is overuse, since they are the most common sentence structures in web-published stuff,) and the phrase "transmissions of the news", which sounds really odd to my American ears. Also, have you thought of putting it in the past tense? I'm not bothered by the present, but I've been flipping through Poet's Market recently and seeing a lot of publishers' comments like 'Consider not submitting poems in the present tense' and so forth. Again, that's not such a serious criticism on my part, just a suggestion.
Re: To MY Mother by daveslady	3-Mar-04/4:28 PM
re "beatutiful cemetary" - if this were intentional, it would be beyond genius.
Re: Sages by meektiger15	3-Mar-04/12:45 PM
**w'ls
Re: a comment on Cutters Part II The Recut (Limerick Triplet) by Shardik	3-Mar-04/12:40 PM
You are Jeremi, right? I get confused by the whole horus8 tangle.
Re: a comment on Early Morning by fevriere	3-Mar-04/12:33 PM
Based on solely my own (and pretty subjective) experience, I'd say amateur web-posted poetry is currently unpunctuated more often than it is correctly punctuated, and that published poetry is more often punctuated correctly etc etc etc. So it depends on what you're conforming to.
Re: a comment on Pop the Pill by etherealmaiden	2-Mar-04/9:04 PM
I just wanted to say that I just read your entire weblog, so now I know pretty well what your life is like, and I really feel bad about sounding so harsh before. But this poem still doesn't seem true. It seems like what someone who hasn't overdosed or been a pill addict imagines overdosing is like, etc, but it's completely not. Not even close. Nope. "I didn't write this poem for others" is the second-most-commonly-said thing on this site after "bow'ls". It isn't true either. People who don't write poems for others leave their deeply personal poems in their own, closed spiral-bound notebooks and don't post them on public sites for comment. I'm not trying to break your balls, but saying that is a really easy way to bludgeon people repeatedly with amateurish poetry while not listening to any criticism. Trust me, there's way too much bludgeoning here. I sincerely hope you'll take some honest advice when it comes your way and try to improve your poetry, which is better than at least 50% of what's posted here. So, ADVICE #1: It's a really bad idea to have a link to your blog on your profile page. People will take... liberties with it. Tchuss.
Re: Pop the Pill by etherealmaiden	2-Mar-04/6:15 PM
I don't think you really pop pills. Sorry. Now I'm asking myself, how would a real pill addict write this poem differently? And I'm thinking, probably by not writing at all. Or by not writing a poem about pill-popping. So, there are all sorts of tricky issues you could put in this poem - touching on, among other things, the authenticity of the authorial voice, the general Barthian meta-ness of writing a poem in which the narrator - obviously not a pill-popper - pretends to be one without really expecting to be believed (and is, for that reason, more believable.) That would really be something. Or you could just write about your own life instead.
Re: a comment on Early Morning by fevriere	2-Mar-04/6:06 PM
Don't feel too bad. I gave you a ten.
Re: a comment on Cutters Part II The Recut (Limerick Triplet) by Shardik	2-Mar-04/5:44 PM
Of all the Beverly Hills 90210 actors, you resemble Brian Austin Green the most, and Brandon's friend who shot himself in season 1 the second most.
Re: a comment on Early Morning by fevriere	2-Mar-04/4:45 PM
Let's take this metaphor a little bit further: If you made an awful, hideous sculpture that had floating bits, would people be interested in it? Probably. People do like floating things, especially if they have flashing lights attached to them somehow, or if they produce loud rhythmic noises. I, for one, would not be that impressed. Even if you could 'fuck' with the laws of physics, you could still pretty easily be a bad sculptor in my book. Especially if you weren't a very good scupltor within the laws of phyisics to begin with.
Re: a comment on Early Morning by fevriere	2-Mar-04/12:18 PM
Besides - do you really think we're all so dense that we can't figure out what words to emphasize while reading a poem? Perhaps you should spell them all phonetically, too, in case we poetry readers have trouble rendering all these strings of characters into meaningful sounds. What's more, take a look at the (one) word you arbitrarily accentuated. Feathers? The technique you apply to this poem is mostly leaving words uncapitalized where they should be (ie, insulated, timeless, and blisses.) Is that to say you think these words should be unaccented? Or - wait, here's an idea - maybe you just didn't think about it that hard. That's not to say this isn't one of the top, say, two poems on the 20 most recent today. I really like several parts of it. So does the fact that I'm getting all this critical mileage out of something so completely unrelated to your meaning give you even a moment's pause? It probably should.
Re: a comment on Early Morning by fevriere	2-Mar-04/12:09 PM
My suggestion: get rid of either 'wonder' or 'wander'. PS regarding the punctuation/capitalization/etc, it makes you look like you don't really know what you're doing, whatever your content/meaning/etc suggests to the contrary. YOU know you know what you're doing, but seeing this I think, hm, kinda amateurish. You might well say, fuck you, I'm going to be immortal whatever I do with my grammar, like Blake - but that's crap. At the very least, get famous first by writing semi-normally punctuated/etc poems, and THEN turn all the crazy meaningless punctuationless/etc crap on, if you still find it so cool. Oh, and go ahead, attack me on this. I know you want to. Everyone does.
Re: Early Morning by fevriere	2-Mar-04/10:49 AM
Wander... wonder? bothers me.
Re: Timmy by richa	2-Mar-04/10:38 AM
Really the only part of this I don't like is the name Timmy. You'll have to excuse me if that's your name - but I don't believe you, since I don't believe anyone is really called Timmy. It's just a name we made up because it sounds like a typical innocent little boy's name. And it reminds me of that Mr Wizard spoof (on 'Dinosaurs'?) where Mr Wizard keeps saying 'We're going to need another Timmy!' every time Timmy gets his head incinerated by a jet engine or something. I'd be much more interested if his name were Larry, Lester, Jubel, or almost anything else. Or just 'Dead Child'. That, and I think 'digs his OWN small part' has a better rhythm. Maybe. I'm not sure on that one. Try it out. And leave the off the periods after churchyard - at least after the second one. Great poem, by the way.