poemranker ::Catharsis by wilco

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Triolet № 102751

Catharsis

by wilco

Member since 2004 · Posted 20 May 2004 · Edited 20 May 2004 · 9 comments

Three flights of stairs and a bottle of wine upwards into her apartment. Walking with fingers intertwined up three flights of stairs and a bottle of wine. Her eyes are beaming, I'm closing mine and contemplating a swift descent. Three flights of stairs and a bottle of wine upwards into her apartment.

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14 votes so far. Yours would make 15.14 votes so far

9 comments

[n/a] Tintagiles 20-May-04/7:02 PM Reply
Zounds. Up a bottle of wine. No wonder you feel like you're going to fall down the staircase.
[8] Jeremi B. Handrinos 20-May-04/8:09 PM Reply
I've broken the nudity record.
[n/a] wilco › Jeremi B. Handrinos 20-May-04/8:13 PM Reply
congratulations!
[10] Shuushin 22-May-04/12:35 PM Reply
Yep, thats a good one; good use of the form.

Consider replacing "Walking", it's implied and the space could be better used to express the mood.

the wine/mine rhyme, btw is a good coupling and the long "i" sounds work well.

when you say "contemplating a swift descent" are you implying she will go down [on you] quickly (or vice versa), or are you saying something will be leaving soon and quickly?

[10] Shuushin › Shuushin 22-May-04/12:36 PM Reply
I'm thinking the last "upwards" slot could be better used as well.
[n/a] wilco › Shuushin 22-May-04/12:43 PM Reply
The way I understand it, the last line must be identical to the second line, which I why it is what it is.
[10] Shuushin › wilco 22-May-04/12:45 PM Reply
YEP - I'm an idiot that's why i didn't say it in the first comment...
[n/a] wilco › Shuushin 22-May-04/12:44 PM Reply
interpretation is ever'ting, my good man.
[10] Shuushin › wilco 22-May-04/12:46 PM Reply
agreed