poemranker ::leavetaking by daniella

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Free verse № 103023

leavetaking

Member since 2002 · Posted 22 May 2004 · 8 comments

sometimes stories are let loose from sources like the leaves of the willow from its electric branches. the mind fondles them and twists them into memories. a ball of yarn and then with years, begins the slow unraveling, a heavy line, weakens its weight and leaves a weave untangled. its when in my old silver yeas of swaying and rocking before the window that overlooks the willow in the yard and the crooked backs of men, i may not remember what was the story of my love at all. it may be so far gone as some faint whisper i'll hear calling, from behind the threshold of the backdoor as it opens with the wind. they too will fall away like those willow leaves to color the lawn with stories that play in my hair as it grows electric beneath the deep brown earth.

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mean 7.38 weighted 5.64 rank 2164 views 279 View voting details →

8 votes so far. Yours would make 9.8 votes so far

A favorite of impert&ent.

8 comments

[9] deleted user 23-May-04/8:31 AM Reply
...silver yeas? (years?)

graceful, nostalgic
[n/a] daniella › deleted user 25-Jul-04/3:06 PM Reply
i know! i just saw the mistake. i am torn between losing all the lovely kudos and votes, or just chalking it up to old age slight of hand!
[8] zodiac 23-May-04/9:36 AM Reply
Some of these clauses, especially in the third stanza, seem poorly grouped. The last is weird, too. "they" is really poorly defined, and the string of grotesquely conjoined similes and subordinate clauses that make up the rest of that sentence don't help.
[n/a] daniella › zodiac 25-Jul-04/2:59 PM Reply
perhaps its best you stick to birth charts and the back page horoscopes? dunno... just a subordinate thought, i love to embed my thoughts as constituents of a matrix. it functions for me in words where i abound.
[10] sliver 24-May-04/5:04 PM Reply
Well said.
[10] impert&ent 11-Jun-04/2:18 PM Reply
As ever, beautiful.
[n/a] daniella › impert&ent 1-Nov-05/9:48 AM Reply
:) you
[5] half.italian 31-Oct-06/3:20 AM Reply
Im sorry, it's just not written well.