Free verse № 104332
A life unsure
For three and twenty years
He drank ambrosia,
Held that nectar by fear,
And choked on roses.
He drifted on fate
Looking for effect,
But he couldn't designate
Anything in retrospect.
His agility was found by chance.
In an act of restoration,
With a small sidelong glance
In the proper application.
He found Faith in Isolation,
Only a couple years too late,
When he gave his registration,
It was just something to investigate.
A Formal inquisition,
Into the corridors of his world
When he looked into the sun,
His life had been unfurled.
Now his clothes were torn and rent,
And nothing was as pure;
As the time that he had spent
When he was still unsure.
11 comments
You've been blessed with seven.
2. What is the ambrosia, the fear, the roses? 0
3. Designate what? 0
4. Drifting where? 0
5. Retrospect? So far there's nothing to look at backwards or forwards. 0
6. His agility was found by what act? 0
etc. etc. etc...
Everything in this poem is completely vague, how can the audience relate to or feel the emotion of something without emotion. Can you tell me what the emotion is in this poem? No, I didn't think so. I don't have time to keep repeating myself over and over again when I read a poem that's completely in trouble. Take a class, pay someone to help you, or read books on writing poetry. Nothing in your work is clear or dramatic. You show terrible taste in your choice of words. Personally, I honestly don't think you'll ever be any good at writing poetry. Poets are born not made. You can improve, but only so far. You're poetically tone deaf.
there are you happy now?
10!~
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