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Time Imperfect

Member since 2003 · Posted 20 Jun 2004 · 7 comments

Beset upon by faith and dependency No love for the loveless today Arrangement by way of estimation Time slowing to clutch busy souls A head swimming with gratification Marbles left somewhere in Arizona Poison seeping through fleshy cracks Broken tones embedded in swollen eardrums Night falls beneath an earthly sunset As dawn blooms above a filthy vagrant Shirtless cowboys feasting on ghosts Adolescent rebels bearing themselves Grace bowing to sympathetic cause Derailed principles with true aim A swamping greed closing in fast While time ends at a razor-thin crossing

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6 votes so far. Yours would make 7.6 votes so far

7 comments

[10] Dovina 20-Jun-04/8:09 PM Reply

Haunting and good.

[9] Shuushin 21-Jun-04/6:10 PM Reply

Mac-Daddy-Fan, nice job.

I wouldn't mind seeing a version that is less of a series of snapshots, less list-like.

should "bearing" be "baring" as in exposing themselves?

So, although I'd prefer a bit more flow, these ideas leave some solid impressions anyway.

[n/a] MacFrantic › Shuushin 21-Jun-04/7:04 PM Reply

I preferred to use *bearing* In the context of *offering*

[9] Shuushin › MacFrantic 21-Jun-04/7:58 PM Reply

okay, got it. I was fooled by the shirtless cowboys in the previous line.

I guess it ties better with the following line. tx.

[n/a] zodiac › MacFrantic 21-Jun-04/8:40 PM Reply

Nope.

I receive from this poem a singular horrific vision of a sick punctuationless existence. But then, I've not actually read it, just kind of squinted my eyes at it awhile.

[6] dclark 1-Jun-07/3:31 PM Reply

i really like this, i can't really find the meaning, but its good, the shirtless cowboys is kind of gay, but i'm sure theres a meaning behind it. i like the layout of this poem, its good.

[n/a] MacFrantic › dclark 7-Jun-07/12:27 AM Reply

eloquently put.