poemranker ::When the night completes by donmiguel1960

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Free verse № 106935

When the night completes

Member since 2004 · Posted 30 Jun 2004 · 4 comments

Disparity of life wears on Calm delight in children Joyous for the gentleness of others Yet true passion is withdrawn Satisfaction in keeping a vow Contentment in doing what is right Seeking the interest of the other Never feeling passion until now Truth offered only in dreams Reminiscent of love gone by Images of what might have been Vanishing visions of moonlight beams Allowing life to live Thankful for those dreams Moments of reality in the night Soul of my heart, preparing me to give Thirsting for watery streams Another day begins in this never-ending plight

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4 comments

[n/a] tolstoyleo 1-Jul-04/2:15 AM Reply
I thought this was going to end in "What am I?"

To which I was going to reply: A lizard in the desert

But that didn't happen
[n/a] donmiguel1960 › tolstoyleo 1-Jul-04/6:14 AM Reply
its about a lost love that i dream about from time to time
[n/a] tolstoyleo › donmiguel1960 1-Jul-04/10:37 AM Reply
Thank you for the correction. Often I read far too deep into these things.
cheers
[9] Shuushin 2-Jul-04/5:19 AM Reply
There's some good language in here though it comes off a little choppy'list-like.

How is that fixed? Try, if you want, playing with where the lines end and your preposition use (there are lots of them in here).

Flow and show?