A Wanderlust To The New

Member since 2004 · Posted 31 Oct 2004 · Edited 23 Dec 2004 · 9 comments

A snowglint shines. Diana's virgin moon: lighthouse of innocents; a happenstance; a wanderlust for the young, keen and new, who fall on love, and shyly, smally dance. Timid are they, naked the white of eyes. Likewise, they nibble a sliver of sleep Then wake to a whisper of goosepimple. They walk, blank-cheeked, blanketed, and make peep. So what is this thrumming coin on the strand? A pure heart that no-one has touched before. A full moon dragged down like a low balloon. A pale beached pearl on the wide blust'ry shore. humming, "come little one, my Delight! Breathe me a still breath tonight".

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9 comments

[4] Sasha 1-Nov-04/7:16 AM Reply

the ! is unnecessary. Sonnets don't need iambic pentameter, but generally (unless they are blank verse sonnets which yours is plainly not) each line needs to rhyme with at least one other somewhere else in the sonnet....blah blah blah. Okay you don't want to hear the formalist shit.

How about the poem has NO meter whatsoever and desparately cries for one.

Also the subject is a bit clichÃ©

[n/a] fevriere › Sasha 1-Nov-04/10:42 AM Reply

So do you think it needs meter or re-classification? I was kinda excited about writing a sonnet, but I don't suppose it's a real one, is it?

[10] Bhaskaryya 21-Dec-04/10:31 PM Reply

Okay, a bit cheesy but nice work!! Just the rhyme needs a little more work. You start with abcb and end up with aaaa. Anyways, hanks for reading mine. I've posted a new one too. Look at it if you have the chance.

[n/a] fevriere › Bhaskaryya 23-Dec-04/8:54 AM Reply

You're quite right. I think it needs going over with a ruler.

[n/a] fevriere › Bhaskaryya 26-Dec-04/7:43 AM Reply

I've edited it, according to your crit. Thanks! If you'd like to reread it, it's above.

[10] Bhaskaryya 26-Dec-04/9:01 AM Reply

Beautiful!!!

[8] lastobelus 17-Apr-05/6:03 PM Reply

"So what is this thrumming coin on the strand?" is very nice.

[n/a] fevriere › lastobelus 18-Apr-05/1:10 AM Reply

Thanks.

[9] Ranger 8-Mar-07/2:16 AM Reply

Aside from 'smally dance' this is so good. I don't know why people haven't read you more on here.