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Mice

Member since 2003 · Posted 17 Nov 2004 · 6 comments

Oh how soon we do pretend That for this time We've reached the end A maze of sort which is the best Our span of life within this test String along and watch us run We climb the walls We dodge the sun This dubious race is not but strife Although it seems to move our life

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mean 4.80 weighted 5.58 rank 2354 views 183 View voting details →

5 votes so far. Yours would make 6.5 votes so far

6 comments

[7] richa 17-Nov-04/3:18 PM Reply

Not sure this is a great insight into mice but it sounds ok. Apart from 'not but strife' which sounds ridiculous.

[n/a] MacFrantic › richa 17-Nov-04/6:26 PM Reply

That's because it isn't about mice. I'm glad you caught the metaphor. You're ridiculous.

[n/a] zodiac › MacFrantic 17-Nov-04/10:44 PM Reply

re: "I'm glad you caught the metaphor."

You idiot. The title of the poem is "Mice". Presumably at least half of the metaphor is mice. A metaphor is supposed to work for both the thing it's superficially describing and the thing it's alluding to. richa said 'this poem isn't very good at describing mice'. Ergo, you've at least half-failed.

This poem isn't a very good description of people either. And ratrace/human metaphors are overdone. Now you've totally failed. I hope you're suitably ashamed of yourself.

[n/a] Bobjim 18-Nov-04/7:33 AM Reply

Here's an alternate ending:

This dubious poem is not that great,
I think I'll go and masturbate.

[7] richa 19-Nov-04/8:35 AM Reply

Congrats. Previously it was only the poem that was stupid. Following your defense of, it is now clear you are stupid.

[9] lexxie100 6-Jul-07/11:13 AM Reply

nice rhythm. the rhymes are a little overused though. "pretend" "end" and "best" "test" and "run" "sun" they seem a little elementary.