poemranker ::Digging by Dovina

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Free verse № 116251

Digging

by Dovina

Member since 2004 · Posted 7 Dec 2004 · Edited 7 Dec 2004 · 9 comments

From digging deep and hacking bold for hells and edens, rust and gold, for brimstone hot and water cold, I’ve dug my last dark empty pit and crawled inside my padded box. Carve for me on polished stone, "She dug all this and left a pile. Look at all the words she wrote."

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mean 6.80 weighted 5.21 rank 4372 views 320 View voting details →

5 votes so far. Yours would make 6.5 votes so far

A favorite of Landon2.

9 comments

[n/a] deleted user 7-Dec-04/3:55 PM Reply
I dug out a wily nostril-plug just this morn.
[n/a] Dovina › deleted user 7-Dec-04/4:06 PM Reply
Was it insipid?
[n/a] deleted user › Dovina 7-Dec-04/4:30 PM Reply
I only wanted to be your friend.
[n/a] Dovina › deleted user 7-Dec-04/4:37 PM Reply
I'm touched. You can be my friend.
[9] INTRANSIT 7-Dec-04/4:07 PM Reply
I think -diggables- demeans the rest of the poem. Just for fun, You might use the mild rhyme and the beat from "of brimstone hot and water cold" ,patterning it that way.
[n/a] Dovina › INTRANSIT 7-Dec-04/4:34 PM Reply
In digging deep and hacking bold
For hells and edens, rust and gold, . . .
Might work, thanks.
[9] INTRANSIT › Dovina 7-Dec-04/4:38 PM Reply
yeah! and if you can keep it nine lines long, that would rule!!
[n/a] Dovina › INTRANSIT 7-Dec-04/4:49 PM Reply
Next you'll be asking for iambic pentameter.
[9] INTRANSIT › Dovina 7-Dec-04/6:53 PM Reply
No. but you can still make this better. I think the rythm does work for it. I've given up on I/P. At least until I get my grammar right.