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Walk The Boy To Circles

Member since 2002 · Posted 21 Dec 2004 · Edited 22 Dec 2004 · 11 comments

Around the rug, I walk the boy The kitchen slants, the faucet drips Circles have never been so coy It's not a system, or some ploy This need to warm up his blue lips Around the rug, I walk the boy While the war outside may destroy My need to rock him to sleep, perhaps Circles have never been so coy My words, my love, are a poet's decoy To save the child that my mind whips Around the rug, I walk the boy. As sirens wail, and bombs deploy The mother slips out with a swish of hips Circles have never been so coy A young father with no milk, no joy In doing these laps, making these trips Around the rug, I walk the boy Circles have never been so coy.

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11 comments

[5] Bhaskaryya 21-Dec-04/11:03 PM Reply

The rhyme seems forced. You could have just written that in a free verse and expressed yourself better. Good effort since it's a Villanelle (They are hard, I admit) but not exactly classy!!

[n/a] horus8 › Bhaskaryya 22-Dec-04/11:42 PM Reply

What's classy? Just curious...
Raping haikus with your puberty
doused ideas about what poetry
Means to a 17 year old?
Perhaps, straddling over
the mouth of Freeverse
And pinching a loaf of love?
Please, take your mediocrity
to the showers. Everyone knows
A villanelle is a purposely forced
Rhyming couplet, that's the point
You tit. My extremely DEEP poem
happens to have DEEPER meanings
Like Sodomy, war, and biscuits.

Good Evening,

Sincerely,

-=Horus8_Of_The_Eights=-

[5] Bhaskaryya 22-Dec-04/3:24 AM Reply

So did you visit my poems to analyse it and give a honest comment or just take out your spite coz' I said your poem isn't classy?? Do read my profile, I never claimed to write well. I know my poetry sucks. Besides, English is NOT my language and I am just 17. I just told you what I felt about your poem, I didn't take out any personal grudges. I am open to criticism but it should be done in a positive way, not insulted.

[n/a] horus8 › Bhaskaryya 22-Dec-04/11:17 AM Reply

I can tell you are 17, you're an idiot.

[5] Bhaskaryya 23-Dec-04/12:13 AM Reply

Why don't you just drop the arrogance?? People have the right to comment what they think?? I didn't say your poem SUCKS. I liked it just fine, but I though it could have been improved. Anything wrong witrh improvements???

Isn't this what the comment box is for.. To leave your honest views?? I am not here to please your vanity or prick it either. I just told you what I honestly thought to be true. And besides, I have read much classier villanelles. I'd never accept it if you say PERHAPS and DRIPS are perfect rhymes.

Come and tear my work apart. I'd appreciate it. But please stop taking out your spite on me. I am here to improve my poetry,not to share kick ass poems.

[n/a] horus8 › Bhaskaryya 23-Dec-04/12:20 AM Reply

Oh okay, I'm sorry, god what was I thinking?
Will you forgive me?

[10] zodiac › Bhaskaryya 23-Dec-04/5:11 AM Reply

I just finished checking out your homepage. I was surprised to see that you're a male. On a similar note, I was surprised today to learn that Islams have Gays like other places, and they act like Gays in other places do.

[5] Bhaskaryya 23-Dec-04/4:24 AM Reply

Happy Holidays to you, my good sir!!

[n/a] -=Dark_Angel=-, P.I. › Bhaskaryya 23-Dec-04/4:35 AM Reply

For the love of Christ learn how to click on the 'Reply' button.

[5] Bhaskaryya › -=Dark_Angel=-, P.I. 23-Dec-04/9:17 AM Reply

Neither am I a gayu nor an Islam. I am a HINDU and a heterosexual. (I thought the latter was pretty evident in my poems.)

[n/a] -=Dark_Angel=-, P.I. › Bhaskaryya 28-Jun-07/7:26 AM Reply

I'm so sorry, but Hindu has been officially voted The World's Most Unbelievable Religion.