poemranker ::Fragment by goldfish

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Lyric № 1174

Fragment

by goldfish

Member since 2002 · Posted 7 May 2002 · 6 comments

The lake a cathedral window Stained by the setting sun The loon a pensive mourner Whose requiem now is done The raft a restless baby Rocked in gentle arms The moon a watchful goddess In a vestry of the stars The dawn a voice from heaven Lighting the waves below

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mean 5.17 weighted 5.17 rank 4956 views 156 View voting details →

23 votes so far. Yours would make 24.23 votes so far

6 comments

[7] deleted user 8-May-02/9:08 PM Reply
Nice images, but not a lot beyond that.
[9] nentwined 12-May-02/8:23 PM Reply
a beautiful fragment, but really needs some sort of capping at the end somehow.
[4] dilips_10 13-May-02/9:34 PM Reply
u have left things there itself. looks a bit bland, though it tries to be emotive.
[7] anonymous 19-May-02/12:59 AM Reply
pretty, but .. ah yes, you have called it "fragment" .. nothing in there ... pretty moment, no gift. will it tie in with soemthing else??
[8] deleted user 7-Aug-02/5:23 AM Reply
Normally I hate rhyming poetry, but this is done very unobtrusively, and the metaphors are lovely.
[9] horus8 20-Dec-02/10:48 AM Reply
your so intelligent to call this fragment, because it is? pretty though, my problem with poetry like this is that it doesn't lose anything to gain anything...it doesn't take any chances..it's what i would term 'safe' poetry. In other words it wont change the world, but maybe a fragment of the world like the ivory coast? also, because it is missing that last rhyming stanza to push it over the top, you will continue to not get tens, but nines christof. i'm sure some schmuch will come along and be like omg and give it a ten within the next ten minutes, but i feel robbed..totally second placed..wich isn't necessarily bad all the time. i guess.