poemranker ::You tell me by RION12

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Lyric № 118367

You tell me

by RION12

Member since 2004 · Posted 14 Jan 2005 · 4 comments

I cry but turn and see you there. You grab my hand and tell me it's ok, Don't be scared. You tell me don't be afraid of my fears. The ones that haunt all my years. You kiss my cheak and hug me slowly. You wisper in my ear my fears will live me here. You tell me then that you love me . That you care so much. You tell me don't be scared.

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mean 6.17 weighted 5.31 rank 3539 views 159 View voting details →

6 votes so far. Yours would make 7.6 votes so far

4 comments

[3] nentwined 14-Jan-05/9:28 PM Reply
Though anything can be endlessly argued to death, spelling things properly really helps in my world. Beyond that--the strange rhyme you have going on grates a bit on my ears, and the rhythm is very odd (perhaps Dovina would use the word 'chunky'). There's a lot that goes on in a poem, some of it intentional, some of it "just the way it is", and that all has to be weighed. You might try exploring the senses a bit more than you have them here--help us feel your cry, your fear, show us what is haunting you, whisper the love so we can feel its timbre. What colors, sights, sounds, smells are there?

These are just my thoughts, of course.
[6] Shuushin 14-Jan-05/11:44 PM Reply
"cheek"
watch the duplicate rhymes
[3] nentwined › Shuushin 15-Jan-05/4:39 AM Reply
live -> leave (I think?)
wisper -> whisper
[n/a] RION12 › nentwined 16-Jan-05/5:15 PM Reply
I know I spell really bad. Thanks for helping me with my spelling.