poemranker ::~RePOST~Cupid's Arrow <----<< by nothingtoanyone

DetailsThe poem, its numbers, and the conversation.

Free verse № 120209

~RePOST~Cupid's Arrow <----<<

by nothingtoanyone

Member since 2003 · Posted 15 Feb 2005 · Edited 20 Feb 2005 · 9 comments

Cupid’s Arrow The air is trapped in my lungs stale within my lungs. Through the decompressed lung I breathe, nothing but blood Folds of my hear filled to frustration unable to distinguish the bills from bills. Stained with Red Water, brown recovery seems never to take a different future. Kill me I ask and save me from your moment to moment murder. Wherefore art the desire, Thou desire to end my protruding lung with a prick of your finger? Has it left you with the northen wind or with the kiss of her southern speaking lips? Or There it is, Right there, Right here, Right were you cant see it Hiding with my pain. The cry of that moss ridden mule halts your foot steps, and you run the other way when I swish my tail. Clip, clop goes the hooves of your heart clip clop, clip clop all to feel her buck. Her kicks and her rippling lips pulled back to show her gray eaten teeth. Hear her bray and you run away with no limp or no crawl. Why were you always on your hands and knees looking up to me with those eyes of tertiary when you could stand to your feet and beat me down flat, with your tongue upon your teeth? Ask Questions To my self From my self By my self Addressed to You...

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mean 4.33 weighted 4.92 rank 9444 views 191 View voting details →

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9 comments

[1] Stephen Robins 16-Feb-05/5:52 AM Reply
Either I am being jolly dim and don't understand your emittence, giving me the intellgence of a sqeaky parp compared to your large voiding of follow through, or your poem was a colossal waste of time both to write and to read.

On the plus side I really like the use of spacing.
[n/a] horus8 16-Feb-05/3:43 PM Reply
Kindly stow it.
[10] zodiac 17-Feb-05/4:49 AM Reply
Complete the following sentences:

1) Old Shakespeary kinds of poems are _______________
2) I have read ___ Shakespeary poems.
[n/a] nothingtoanyone › zodiac 19-Feb-05/7:37 PM Reply
I really dont know what you mean theres more then one way to complete the sentences and all so very different.........
[10] zodiac › nothingtoanyone 20-Feb-05/5:15 AM Reply
Of course I only mean, in your, nothingtoanyone's, experience. Please feel free to complete the following instead:

1) I, nothingtoanyone, think old Shakespeary kinds of poems are _______________.
2) I, nothingtoanyone, have read ___ Shakespeary poems.

HINT: The first blank should probably be an adjective or adjective phrase. The second should be a number.
[6] Dovina 20-Feb-05/7:01 AM Reply
We all know this is not a Shakespearian style poem. You used a few old English words for some reason, which zodiac picked-up on to ridicule you. It’s what he does – finds some insignificant aspect of your poem to bash, while ignoring the thrust of what you’re trying to communicate.

If you are showing us cupid’s sting, as the title suggests, then the arrow has missed its mark, at least to my understanding. Start with getting the spelling and grammar so they say what you mean – “northern” “breathe a breath” “wherefore is the desire thou desirest” After fixing these, look at the things you are saying too many times. “wherefore is the desire thou desirest” could be simply “wherefore is the desire” and “breathe a breath, a breath of blood” could be “breathe a breath of blood.” Then look at your images and metaphors. Does “moss-ridden mule” say what you want to say?

I think this has potential for a good poem.
[n/a] nothingtoanyone › Dovina 20-Feb-05/3:30 PM Reply
Maybe the point is easier to see now.
[6] Dovina › nothingtoanyone 20-Feb-05/6:23 PM Reply
Sorry, not much better. Try again.
[10] zodiac › Dovina 22-Feb-05/5:24 AM Reply
Of course I know what nothingtoanyone is trying to communicate.