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I sat beside the night

Member since 2005 · Posted 3 May 2005 · Edited 14 May 2005 · 8 comments

I looked outside; I saw the night Nestling on the ground And as it saw me it embraced And kissed me on my upturned face But never made a sound. We sat together, side by side, I rested in its fleece I felt its breath, I knew its pain The wild wind coursing through its veins And then an empty peace The night had gone, and its dark mantle Swept across my sight; But still I think and think again Of that enslaving moment when I sat beside the night.

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8 comments

[n/a] Niphredil 14-May-05/3:41 AM Reply

I wrote this poem when I was in 8th or 9th grade. It's one of my favorites.

[2] xxx › Niphredil 14-May-05/8:47 AM Reply

You have rare talent.

[8] deleted user 14-May-05/2:38 PM Reply

The Night has been poemed to death - wat isn't - but this one has been caught in beautiful thoughts. The neat rhyme is another plus. Some of your other poems are gbbldgk to me.

[9] Dovina 14-May-05/5:35 PM Reply

This is quite good. I think it has more punctuation than needed. I'd change the first ; to "and" and omit the second one, and omit all the commas, using line breaks instead.

[n/a] Niphredil › Dovina 16-May-05/12:25 PM Reply

Thanks. You're right, I will.

[10] INTRANSIT 16-May-05/7:15 PM Reply

I read them all. Have my rights as a human being been revoked? It sure feels like it.

[9] Ranger 18-Mar-06/2:36 PM Reply

Great metre! Very classical in feel, meets with approval here. I like the idea of the night kissing someone's upturned face - some nicely original ideas in this one.

[9] Scarlett 24-Mar-06/2:31 PM Reply

This is absolutely lovely! Night has a certain charm that makes one breath a little easier and you captured it well.