poemranker ::To Making Do by Dovina

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Free verse № 125081

To Making Do

Member since 2004 · Posted 19 May 2005 · 9 comments

I gave her my life in little pieces, of working long and sleeping little, of wife and lovers come and gone, humble living and late-night typing. For this she gave her simple life at home to work unfettered. A mid-aged woman who loved just once, many years ago, no kids to tend. "I do what I must to stay afloat," I said. My life has come to getting by. Where love and music once filled my nights, I have a room and eat from cans." "I mix avocation and vocation," she replied. "Only employment is hard; work is not. At home with computer alone, I've chosen to blend my work and play." "This is a pleasant life you've found," I mused. "Free from creditors and ex's, free from ghosts of lovers past, free to play with lonely time."

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mean 5.20 weighted 5.02 rank 7396 views 267 View voting details →

5 votes so far. Yours would make 6.5 votes so far

9 comments

[6] deleted user 19-May-05/4:44 PM Reply
It's my turn for incomprehension...
Not so fond of dialogues in poetry. These segments also lack compositor(i)al harmony. You're one of a few PR's who show a feel for harmony (bâââhh, old-fashioned!) and do more than just sweep together a collection of words that bite each other. Yes I know, it's the temporary way...
[n/a] Dovina › deleted user 19-May-05/6:08 PM Reply
Not sure what you mean by compositor(i)al harmony or harmony of the old-fashioned kind. I'll admit to personal nostalgia in this that may be understandibly nonunderstandazble. Guess I'm hoping for a few snagged commonalities here and there.
[6] deleted user › Dovina 19-May-05/8:10 PM Reply
I meant in terms of structure. (Old-fashioned) poetry is balanced poetry, it has a rhythm. Reading it should give you the feeling that you are swept away in a dance. Not necessarily a romantic waltz! To me the perfect poem is the poem that blends traditional form with experimentalism. You more or less did such in your poem because stanza's 3-4-5 leave the harmonious form and turn into a report of an almost casual talk between two people. But it's the casual conversation that does not appeal to me.

I'm not at my very best right now, sorry if I ramble.
[n/a] Alizarin_Crimson 20-May-05/12:28 PM Reply
Great, except I don't think you need the "I said" in the frist line of the 3rd stanza. Its pretty self-explanitory.
[n/a] Dovina › Alizarin_Crimson 20-May-05/4:32 PM Reply
You're probably right.
[8] Dan garcia-Black 22-May-05/11:03 AM Reply
A lot of talking to yourself on this one, Dovina. Is that a sign of a sound mind? It seems a bit of a "brag." Maybe I just envy you your last stanza. My poem would end in opposite tone. -8- For lording your freedom over an oppressed mass--Me.
[n/a] Dovina › Dan garcia-Black 23-May-05/11:23 AM Reply
If you identify with the male character in this story and feel lorded over by the female character, then please realize that freedom to play with lonely time is to some the freedom to die alone with cancer. To others it’s having lived 52 years with Spina Bifida, beating the odds, and wondering how many more. To others its just being such a jerk of a woman nobody wants you. So if you feel oppressed over exes, divorces, loves gone and so many bills and working hours you can’t keep up, then look up, Lord Garcia-Black, things could be worse. By the way, if I felt lorded over by a poet, I would not be so kind as to vote 8.
[8] zodiac 27-May-05/2:27 AM Reply
"exes".
[n/a] Dovina › zodiac 27-May-05/12:18 PM Reply
Right