Contemplation

Darkness... a vessel for self-loathing and hatred that surrounds the soul, and consumed the very being that is I. So many years serving it, that precious memories that once provided warmth grew cold and refused to remind me of who I was. The aching inside me, briefly, almost felt secure... I trusted it to always be there. I yearned for it to finish me off... but it never let up: bit by bit, piece by piece, it buries me alive, reliving the horror over and, over, and over again. I was its muse and accepted it, unwillingly, but justly so. Thump. Thump. Thump. The heart beats on, but it no longer lies in my chest... I forsaked it for my protector, instead. It too, grows cold in its wake. Stubborness and rage remain my only friends... And they eat away at my flesh the more I submit to my abuser. I fought to remember, remember who I was.... who I wanted to be... and why... I accepted this, ever. Oh right, a trade... A pact that promised everything for nothing, and nothing for everything. A memory... what was that warmth I once felt? Affinity for my own well being, not judged by that which I cannot see, the darkness I chose to see... An overwhelming sense of elation, my new realization. It breaks through all barriers and sets me free. I am yours no longer.... I am myself, I am what I choose... to be.