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Flicking

Member since 2002 · Posted 20 Jun 2005 · Edited 8 Jan 2006 · 11 comments

My thoughts stumble as I watch them lean into the apex Thrust against chicanes Bank on that complex compound that soft encouraging lip all the while keeping eyes fixed on the leader point of blind curves exit and roll on.

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11 comments

[8] Dovina 20-Jun-05/5:42 PM Reply

In the place I used to work we built spirals into the plans - those transitions to real curves wherein the wheel can easily adjust by a half-stoned arm, and after several such easings, drivers become chicaned to expect them. Just thought you'd like to know who to blame and how ironic the victory.

[4] Bankrupt_Word_Clerk 20-Jun-05/7:28 PM Reply

I'm just confused. It may not be your fault that I am ignorant.

chicane= a movable barrier used in motor racing ?

"thrusting against movable barriers" ?

[n/a] INTRANSIT › Bankrupt_Word_Clerk 21-Jun-05/12:53 PM Reply

Well, the good thing is in this poem -chicanes- sonds almost like wind but I think it may be my own ignorance that has done me in this time. I thought they were a series of curves tight and many. I might be wron in which case, I have failed miserably. Sokay. i got a better one brewing. Oh well.

[9] <~> 21-Jun-05/1:42 PM Reply

to me, chicanes means trickery, and in that context, i think it works extraordinarily well, rich. nice double entendre.

[n/a] Dental Panic 21-Jun-05/2:27 PM Reply

Nice. I should skip the amazement: if it's there, the poem should prove it. Not your telling me.

[9] Caducus 24-Jun-05/5:13 PM Reply

line 5 yeah

[9] Shuushin 29-Jun-05/1:45 PM Reply

nice.

I'll never get used to your before comma spacing though.

[9] Shuushin › Shuushin 29-Jun-05/1:50 PM Reply

okay - I haveta make an ammendment.

The start "It amazes me..." might be improved apon. YES I KNOW, I've done and do from time to time a similar thing - but I try.

The thing is that you want the poem to convey the amazement - why broadcast it. What if you just killed the first 3 words??

Then remove "Still keeping" - it is... unenglish.

But I like the piece very much.

[8] Dovina 8-Jan-06/3:59 PM Reply

Not sure apex is what you mean, try spiral. And maybe curves should be curve. Otherwise good.

[8] lmp 9-Jan-06/11:23 AM Reply

was this ammended/edited? some of the comments don't seem to make sense...

i like this one, and after a couple of reads i get the thrill... specially liking the last 2 lines.

p.s. yeah, i know the stallone movie. cheesy in my opinion.

[8] richa 10-Jan-06/4:03 AM Reply

Third stanza would replace 'all the while keeping my eyes fixed' with 'my eyes fixed'. Might shift up and roll on a bit. Otherwise you have 4 words to 4 lines.