Shadow

Member since 2004 · Posted 12 Aug 2005 · 2 comments

Someone creeps near stepping lightly Making no sound but the beat of their heart Slowly drawing closer in the shadows Hidden by what they believe is whole Alone once again and being followed once more I hide on them to seek their identity Gracefully watching from the darkness Waiting for their steps to carry them past Hearing the beating growing louder and faster They know I am ready to pounce Gentle breeze dances through the shadows I hear them coming closer still I am perched and ready to attack Creeping slowly for a better angle Holding my breath as they come into view Pressing down the leaves to see clearly Springing out of the shadows Alone just as before with my shadow

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2 comments

[8] Dovina 12-Aug-05/7:27 PM Reply

I like it except for the use of "them" and "they" in referring to a person. The ending is great.

[n/a] ALChemy 14-Aug-05/12:35 PM Reply

Them and they are OK as long as the person is unspecified. Especially in reference to an unknown gender. "Him or her" becomes replaced by "them" until the sex is identified. "Him or her" is the formal and best way to say it. "They" is informal and frowned on by english teachers but is used often in common speach.
You do use the forms of they a little too often in this poem though, when in some places you could omit it entirely and still make the point. Or you could just change "Someone creeps" to "They creep" all though that would give you another they. Ah hell. just change the title to "Them" too. I liked the story though.