poemranker ::Castle in the Clouds by TLRufener

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Free verse № 131181

Castle in the Clouds

Member since 2004 · Posted 17 Sep 2005 · 4 comments

As I laid down in the grass, Just a day ago; I watched the clouds As they passed above. I picked out their shapes; A flower, A dragon, A mighty steed; They were all picture-perfect. One cloud caught my attention As it floated by. It was a peculiar shape; It resembled a castle; Four towers marked the corners, Stretching way up to the sky; A drawbridge held by chains Lowered to welcome company. It sparkled like the sun itself, Offering an open invitation; Telling me that I’m overdue For a really long vacation. I would have loved to visit; Even just for a little while. But I let it pass overhead, And cast it off with a smile. Maybe on another day, I’ll visit that castle in the clouds.

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mean 4.33 weighted 4.92 rank 9494 views 163 View voting details →

3 votes so far. Yours would make 4.3 votes so far

4 comments

[8] electroman1979 18-Sep-05/1:13 PM Reply
liked it. maybe someday i'll visit as well, heck, maybe even move there -8-
[n/a] ALChemy 19-Sep-05/2:21 AM Reply
You're lying not laying.

I also think your lying the other way too.

Why shift into rhyme half way through.
[n/a] TLRufener › ALChemy 19-Sep-05/8:32 AM Reply
Looking at shapes in the clouds is most commonly thought of as a childs' past-time. I switched to rhyme at the half-way mark because I wanted to show the adult reverting to a child. The ending is the child reverting back to the adult, realizing that there are things that must be done before a vacation is due.
[n/a] ALChemy › TLRufener 19-Sep-05/9:40 PM Reply
ok