poemranker ::What Matters by Dovina

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Haiku № 136498

What Matters

by Dovina

Member since 2004 · Posted 8 Jan 2006 · 14 comments

Bright eyes flanked his chin, tender smile above his nose. I knew he loved me.

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mean 4.67 weighted 4.91 rank 9655 views 274 View voting details →

6 votes so far. Yours would make 7.6 votes so far

14 comments

[n/a] ALChemy 8-Jan-06/3:52 PM Reply
Who is he, Mr. Potatohead?
[n/a] Dovina › ALChemy 8-Jan-06/4:05 PM Reply
Good guess, but he could be King Kong for all it matters.
[n/a] ALChemy › Dovina 9-Jan-06/12:42 AM Reply
An artist rendering of your poem:
http://www.mrpicassohead.com/canvas.html?id=9288240
[n/a] Dovina › ALChemy 10-Jan-06/10:16 AM Reply
That's good! How do you find all this stuff?
[6] zodiac 8-Jan-06/8:31 PM Reply
Put a colon after "nose" to make it a sentence. You're cute when you're smitten. Shallow, yes, but love is shallow.
[n/a] ALChemy › zodiac 9-Jan-06/1:31 AM Reply
Can't blame her. I wouldn't want to put my "nose" in front of a colon either.
[6] lmp › ALChemy 9-Jan-06/10:46 AM Reply
now THAT's funny!
[6] zodiac › ALChemy 9-Jan-06/10:52 AM Reply
I'll keep setting them up...
[3] cyan9 9-Jan-06/6:08 AM Reply
You do much much better on a regular basis
[6] INTRANSIT 9-Jan-06/8:49 AM Reply
This reads like a sentence in a novel to me. I hate to hardcore you like that but, it's flat.
[6] lmp 9-Jan-06/10:49 AM Reply
i think the sentiment that inspired this work outweighs the sentiment conveyed. i am guessing a budding artist's drawing for you is the subject. as someone commented on my attempt at Haiku, "sometimes 17 syllables isn't enough".
[n/a] amanda_dcosta 12-Jan-06/8:39 AM Reply
Excuse me, but spell out the 17 syllables here. Am I losing something. I still find it confusing figuring out a Haiku. 5-7-5?
[n/a] Dovina › amanda_dcosta 12-Jan-06/9:14 AM Reply
Bright-eyes-flanked-his-chin,
ten-der-smile-a-bove-his-nose.
I-knew-he-loved-me.