DetailsThe poem, its numbers, and the conversation.

A HANGMAN'S MOANING

Member since 2006 · Posted 5 Mar 2006 · 6 comments

Is there anyone who sees my mind Alas doing for the sake of bread; The justice perhaps may have a thousand reasons to make him stranglehold, surmounted my knot. That final stare varies, person to person Often making my mind so brittle, agonized faces many I have seen, But so penetrating is the beaming smile! Me the tool and he the sufferer, Is there anyone who sees my mind?

Rate it

0 is the worst, 10 the best. Pick a number, add a comment if you like, then send it. Keys: 0–9 pick, Enter sends.

mean 5.00 weighted 5.00 rank 7789 views 145 View voting details →

4 votes so far. Yours would make 5.4 votes so far

6 comments

[7] Ranger 5-Mar-06/10:22 AM Reply

Not bad at all, although it could do with a little more punctuation - 'agonized faces many I have seen' needs to be something like '...faces - many I have seen'. And so on. I wasn't sure about the penultimate line but I do like the final line being the first line repeated.

[n/a] Dhanesh M Kumar › Ranger 6-Mar-06/3:40 AM Reply

Hi Ranger,
Thank you for the comment. The penultimate line explains the helplessness of the hangman.

[n/a] richa 5-Mar-06/1:36 PM Reply

'Alas doing for the sake of bread' is garbled. Something like 'hanging men for the bread on my table' makes more sense.

'The justice perhaps may'- No 'the' perhaps and maybe mean the same thing (in this context) so you should ditch one. 'Justice may have a thousand reasons' would be more obvious.

'to make him stranglehold' should be 'to strangle him' and the man does not surmount the knot. The knot is atop him.

A mind can not realistically be said to be brittle because it is non-material.

'agonized faces many I have seen' should probably be 'I have seen many agonising faces'.

[n/a] Dhanesh M Kumar › richa 6-Mar-06/3:48 AM Reply

Hi Richa,
Thank you for the comments.But I feel that your suggestions might hamper the rhythm of the poem.

[7] Caducus 6-Mar-06/4:02 AM Reply

Intersting concept and not badly penned.

[6] daniella 22-Feb-15/7:24 AM Reply

i love your thoughts. they are in the right place and the poem works on some levels. keep engineering the phrases. and perhaps punctuation is needed, for example:
Alas doing, for the sake of bread
no?