poemranker ::In Ethel’s Honor by Dovina

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Free verse № 142356

In Ethel’s Honor

by Dovina

Member since 2004 · Posted 16 Apr 2006 · 8 comments

He set an Easter lily on her stone Then watched as windy rain Toppled it against her grave He staked it up with chopsticks Found somewhere in the trunk Then watched her while it fell again Bending low, he tried the vase Set three years now in the ground The lid stuck hard against his will He struggled, then he moved it The way of perseverance But the potted lily would not fit His wife of sixty-one years Waited while he thought She knew his process well He poked a stick down through The pot and nailed it to the ground Then he stood and waited The lily bent and fluttered The chopstick held its ground And he’d done what he could

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8 comments

[8] Ranger 17-Apr-06/1:21 AM Reply
Good lines, it has villanelle potential in my opinion. Would've preferred 'winding rain' as it retains the stormy aspect and carries a little more imagery, but you may feel otherwise. Again, I'm not convinced that you need to be specific with 'sixty-one years', but that's just my preference.
Well written
[n/a] Dovina › Ranger 17-Apr-06/7:58 AM Reply
“Winding rain” does imply wind, as the rain winds its way at an angle. The 61 years are for specificity, but maybe that’s not needed. The thing I want to show in his perseverance and that he always did what he could.
[9] richa 17-Apr-06/2:36 AM Reply
This is good. There are a couple of parts you lose me though (I don't want an explanation).

'Found somewhere in the trunk
Then watched her while it fell again'

and

'He poked a stick down through
The pot and nailed it to the ground
Then he stood and waited'
[n/a] Dovina › richa 17-Apr-06/7:56 AM Reply
I agree that explanations are like male nipples if they are not contained in the poem. But anyway, the “trunk” is the trunk of his car. And, he nailed the flower pot to the ground by pounding a chopstick down through its bottom. It actually worked pretty well.
[8] ecargo 17-Apr-06/7:53 AM Reply
Simple and vivid=good. "Then watched her" in the second verse is a little confusing.
[n/a] Dovina › ecargo 17-Apr-06/8:01 AM Reply
In his mind, he watched her - thought of her when she was alive. Thanks.
[9] elderking 19-Apr-06/5:13 AM Reply
Ethel had an honorable and loving man in that one...
I like the way I can picture him... so quietly determined...his Ethel would have her lily.
Very good.
[n/a] Dovina › elderking 19-Apr-06/7:00 AM Reply
You have him pegged. “quietly determined” describes him perfectly. It’s great when somebody understands.