poemranker ::Doubtcohol by drnick

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Free verse № 146712

Doubtcohol

by drnick

Member since 2005 · Posted 27 Sep 2006 · 6 comments

Sweetly I tear into The threshold of me and you. Quietly calling out For strength on a trail of doubt. But poison lips love to Blast words upon and through. Humid with spoken word My cold silence stay unperturbed. The fault fiercely cracked in two The Icon I thought was you. Blatantly broken you lay In my house and wish it all away. I loved what I saw of you A love for a cheap costume.

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6 comments

[9] Ranger 27-Sep-06/3:15 PM Reply
Damned good, I didn't recognise the rhyme scheme until the second read. Last couplet is a killer; having just walked back through town in the rain I had to laugh at what people were wearing, or I would if I hadn't walked to a club, found a queue longer than a very long piece of string and strolled back again.

I meant to leave a message on your blogspace quite recently, actually, but when I got to it I just couldn't think what to write. Are you back at uni, or was last year your finals? If so, what did you finish with?
[n/a] drnick › Ranger 28-Sep-06/4:34 PM Reply
The capitalization is supposed to help, or you could listen to the song "jambi" by tool because I took the rythem from the verse. My parents are just coming back from england, they went to visit my grandparents in ferndown. I never left school, I've been taking classes non-fucking-stop, but ill be done this spring so i suppose i have that to look forward to.
[7] Dovina 27-Sep-06/9:10 PM Reply
If you take the "c" from the title, it will sound more like "alcohol." Capitals at line beginnings are not consistent.

"stays unperturbed"

It's a good poem in need of help.
[n/a] drnick › Dovina 28-Sep-06/4:35 PM Reply
The captials are for the rythem.
[n/a] drnick › Dovina 28-Sep-06/4:36 PM Reply
p.s. That's because I'm a good person in need of help.
[7] Dovina › drnick 28-Sep-06/4:41 PM Reply
Thereon are built the greatest lives.