Deja Vu

Member since 2002 · Posted 25 Apr 2006 · Edited 27 Apr 2006 · 6 comments

I've been here once. Of that I'm sure But to give a time I'm a bit reserved. The scenery has changed Although the landscape appears the same. Something beyond the horizon Has been varied in some vague way. Perhaps it was only a dream, But if it was I'm still in it. Maybe if you pinch me hard I'll come back and then re-live it. But for now I'll close my eyes To these subtleties of life, As these waves wash over my ankles And the sun gives way to night.

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5 votes so far. Yours would make 6.5 votes so far

6 comments

[7] Ranger 26-Apr-06/11:49 AM Reply

It's tricky to critique a lyric without the music so I'll limit myself to saying just that I liked the majority of it as lyric material, but I felt the last line let it down a bit. It was too...predictable. If you can insert a bit more imagination there I would like this more.

[n/a] sliver › Ranger 27-Apr-06/5:56 AM Reply

Well, how about now?

[7] Ranger › sliver 28-Apr-06/12:29 PM Reply

More interesting now but I have to suggest (and you can kill me for this if you like) that you need to bring the waves in somewhere earlier rather than just chucking them in out of the blue, so to speak. Perhaps bring the sea in where you talk about the horizon and you would achieve a little more continuity.
Still decent enough though.

[6] Dovina 27-Apr-06/6:32 PM Reply

You've defined Deja Vu. What else?

[6] Enkidu 27-Apr-06/8:36 PM Reply

I have too agree with Dovina, no real substance. Not worth remembering. *6*

[0] god'swife 28-Apr-06/12:53 AM Reply

You have no grasp on human existence. I cannot even venture to guess what childhood atrocities must have been inflicited on you to make you want to write such an empty and uninspired piece of shit as this. You're just one more sorry ass strutting around in this pitiful sanctuary for self-important asses. This drivel lacks all relevancy. Is this what you sit around pondering about? Is this the most intriguing most profound most soulful experience you can write about? What the fuck, are you some kind of horrible mutant? Try 'writing' something pertinent, germane, material, apropos to the soul and its struggle. It's tragic that such a bunch of heartless pukes have turned a once stimulating arena of thought into a incestuious hotbed of superfluous and inferior banter. The fact that some idiots feel it neccessary, let alone plausible, to leave comments on such atrocities is only more proof that you've all completely lost connection with the drama of human existence. You should all be ashamed of yourselves. Get a life. A real one consisting of love and loss, pain and exrutiating ecxtasy, the awareness of our absurd and fleeting existence. You're all stuck in a boring putrid land of make believe. Fucking losers.

You are vague. Your poem is vague. Your life is one vague boring monotone.