Free verse № 144231
Aristocrats(Madlib for all those shock poets)
*Warning: This is a Madlib of the dirtiest joke ever told and is not an original piece of work that I can claim to be mine. This version was found under the Wikipedia version of the Joke "The Aristocrats" If you are offended by the thought of the most vile and disgusting acts ever thought up by man then I suggest you don't read anything further than this.
A man walks into a talent agent's office, and says, "We're a family act, and we'd like you to represent us."
The agent says, "Sorry, I don't represent family acts. They're a little too old-fashioned."
The man says, "But, this is really special."
The agent says, "Okay, well what's the act?"
He replies, "Well, my wife and I come out on stage and she begins to sing the Star Spangled Banner while I (verb) her roughly from behind. After a minute of this, my (noun)s come out and begin to do the same, but my (noun)'s singing the original To Anacreon in Heaven lyrics while my (noun) performs (adj.) (noun) on her."
The agent looks uncomfortable, but the man continues, "Just when my (noun) hits the highest note in the song, my (noun) and I switch partners. He turns my (noun) around and gives her a (nastiest noun you can think of) before having her perform (adj.) (noun) on him. When the song's over and we're both getting close, we all stop and lay down on the stage."
The man smiles fondly as he recalls, "This is the best part: our (noun) then comes out on the stage, and he's trained to (verb) each one of us to (noun) in turn. He just goes right down the line, looking as happy as can be! We all get up and take a bow."
He looks at the agent and says, "Well, that's the act. What do you think?"
The agent just sits in silence for a long time. Finally, he manages, "That's a hell of an act. What do you call yourselves?"
"The Aristocrats!" The man replies.
Feel free to give your versions you sick sick sick bastards.
7 comments
A man walks into a talent agent's office, and says, "We're a family act, and we'd like you to represent us."
The agent says, "Sorry, I don't represent family acts. They're a little too old-fashioned."
The man says, "But, this is really special."
The agent says, "Okay, well what's the act?"
He replies, "Well, my wife and I come out on stage and she begins to sing the Star Spangled Banner while I massage her roughly from behind. After a minute of this, my daughters come out and begin to do the same, but my son's singing the original To Anacreon in Heaven lyrics while my daughter performs physical therapy on her."
The agent looks uncomfortable, but the man ontinues, "Just when my wife hits the highest note in the song, my children and I switch partners. He turns my wife around and gives her a pat before having her perform armless and legless hugs on him. When the song's over and we're both getting close, we all stop and lay down on the stage."
The man smiles fondly as he recalls, "This is the best part: our dog then comes out on the stage, and he's trained to massage each one of us to relaxation in turn. He just goes right down the line, looking as happy as can be! We all get up and take a bow."
He looks at the agent and says, "Well, that's the act. What do you think?"
The agent just sits in silence for a long time. Finally, he manages, "That's a hell of an act. What do you call yourselves?"
"The Aristocrats!" The man replies.
That is so rubbish.
Yours,
A foul bag of rotten air.
Good stuff for a saturday morning chortle!
A man walks into a talent agent's office, and says, "We're a family act, and we'd like you to represent us." The agent says, "Sorry, I don't represent family acts. They're a little too old-fashioned." The man says, "But, this is really special." The agent says, "Okay, well what's the act?"
He replies," Well my wife and I start fisting eachother. Meanwhile by son brings out our pet pregnant alsatian and induces the birth of her zygots by forcing his hand up her arse.
My son then brings the embryonic alsatians and coaxes them into his Mother's vagina and she sqirms as the embryos wiggle in her clowns sleeve of a snatch. At this point my son pulls down his pants and arcs a rope of cum across my mouth which I gulp down. Once he's finished I bite off his cock and spit it up his arse.
As a grand finale I take out grandma's glass eye and my son shits out his cock into her skull. She catches septicimia and we root her lifeless corpse with the dead alsatians head. All this time my wife is reading aloud the painfully self-obsessed poetry of Dovina whilst slicing the skin off my buttocks."
The agent just sits in silence for a long time. Finally, he manages, "That's a hell of an act. What do you call yourselves?"
"The Aristocrats!" The man replies.
If you want an offensive joke, ask me. Here's a sample of a slightly offensive one.
Q. What's the difference between an Israeli soldier and a bucket of shit?
A. The handle.
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