poemranker ::Three Worlds by Dovina

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Free verse № 148028

Three Worlds

Member since 2004 · Posted 11 Nov 2006 · 4 comments

Worlds await along the way, attractive to the pen as dots, pulling mind lines, pushing closure, connecting wayward thought. One consists of winners, every weakness strong, joyful shouts from housetops, nothing really wrong. Another world flaunts half as winners— river wearing rocks, weasel doing in the goose, these shoes wear out my socks. One haunts all as losers— sun evaporates the brook, goose-stuffed weasel always dies, the sun itself is cooked. Their gravities will pull you, your pen may visit all, satisfying landscapes, every one a fall.

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mean 5.20 weighted 5.02 rank 7438 views 233 View voting details →

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4 comments

[9] amanda_dcosta 13-Nov-06/6:43 PM Reply
D... It's surprising how you rhyme your lines. It's so unusual of you.

Apart from that, its sad to see that PR is heart broken.
[8] Ranger 14-Nov-06/5:43 AM Reply
'Weasel doing in the goose'? That's too much Brixton at 3am for me. Either that, or it means something which I dread to imagine. Stanza 4 is really good. I'm surprised that you didn't include the recurring images (river/brook, weasel/goose, sun) in stanza 2 though. Line 9 misses the rhythm - could do with fixing. The rhymes work well though.
[n/a] Dovina › Ranger 14-Nov-06/4:37 PM Reply
Just trying for a bit of levity in this most serious business. Recurring images - too poetic for left-brained woman I guess.
[3] Stephen Robins 14-Nov-06/9:07 AM Reply
Christ's chin if that is a portent to the current state of your ewok we are all doomed.