poemranker ::The Upside-Down Frown by fevriere

DetailsThe poem, its numbers, and the conversation.

Free verse № 80488

The Upside-Down Frown

Member since 2004 · Posted 25 Jan 2004 · 7 comments

The upside-down frown smashed quicker than the pulse Into the bitter-sweetest decay, the hottest grey slide A thorn crown, dragged for curiosity, through the focus of eyes plasticated, buried elsewhere.

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mean 5.20 weighted 5.02 rank 7439 views 181 View voting details →

5 votes so far. Yours would make 6.5 votes so far

7 comments

[7] zodiac 25-Jan-04/8:38 AM Reply
You win the coveted 'Golden Spiral-bound Notebook' for the day if CLS/Lydia-Evelyn and Princess Snowflake don't post. It comes with a purple wobble pen.
[n/a] Goad › zodiac 25-Jan-04/10:01 AM Reply
oh come on, you can't demote her to the same league as CLS & snowflake.

fevriere, I share your fascination with binding words and ideas together that don't ordinarily appear in company, like amusing oneself trying to push magnets together with the same pole facing, but by themselves these little word games rarely do anything for anyone except the writer. Try doing it just once in an otherwise concrete pome. Like building a framework to hold the magnets in exactly the unnatural but interesting apposition you wish to capture. (when you're successful at this, please come back and teach me how to do it too)
[7] zodiac › Goad 25-Jan-04/2:02 PM Reply
I retract. I must have been in a bad mood. I agree with Goad though. Try making all those crazy long lines say something.
[n/a] fevriere › zodiac 25-Jan-04/1:56 PM Reply
Is that bad? *meek girlish glances hitherto*
[4] andrewjthomas 26-Jan-04/7:43 PM Reply
the first line is cool
bitter-sweet decay and thorn crown are way over used and do not help you here
eyes plasticated is brilliant
sadly, like others have said i have no clue what you are trying to say
[n/a] fevriere › andrewjthomas 28-Jan-04/6:40 AM Reply
That's great crit. Thank-you. I feel like reduxing now. :)
[10] wFraser Allonby Q.C.w 9-Feb-04/6:39 AM Reply
Slaggamuffin.

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