poemranker ::Sonnet 3 (Farewell my muse) by Schlinkey

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Sonnet № 148166

Sonnet 3 (Farewell my muse)

Member since 2006 · Posted 27 Nov 2006 · Edited 27 Nov 2006 · 7 comments

Desist your games, you dratted tricky sprite; Who over my poetic corpse would dance! This blinking presence reeks of wicked spite; Surcease your prance while you still have the chance. I see your eyes are fraught with great surprise, In truth, I hate the wicked words to come; For they are instruments of your demise. The time is now, I feel my tongue grow numb; Attend these words, my fay of endless hues; The day has come for me to say adieu, For you, my dear; whom I do call "my muse"; Rely on me, like I depend on you! And as this quarrel ends, my tears shall run; My muse is gone; a quest for words begun.

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7 comments

[9] Ranger 27-Nov-06/2:26 PM Reply
I'd cut a few of the commas and replace them with alternative punctuation - purely for presentation. Other than that I enjoyed this, although I rarely like seeing the dummy auxiliary 'do' used, even in a classical style. If it's possible to edit that out, it might be worthwhile.
[n/a] Schlinkey › Ranger 27-Nov-06/2:28 PM Reply
Haha! I've been fixing that as you wrote your comment. Thanks a lot for for putting that to my attention. Haven't really taken time to work out the punctuation in these sonnets. Hope it's a bit better now?
[9] Dovina 27-Nov-06/2:50 PM Reply
I agree with Ranger on the "do"s. I think you could make both of them "shall". The rhythm is good in all but Line 13. Try "And as this quarrel now ends, my tears shall run."
[n/a] Schlinkey › Dovina 27-Nov-06/3:06 PM Reply
Agree on the "do"s as well. Adding the "now" in line 13 would mess up the pentameter though. Thanks! :)
[9] Dovina › Schlinkey 27-Nov-06/7:48 PM Reply
And AS this QUARREL now ENDS, my TEARS shall RUN
[n/a] Schlinkey › Dovina 27-Nov-06/8:00 PM Reply
Quarrel, two syllables (QUARrel), no?
[9] Dovina › Schlinkey 28-Nov-06/9:31 AM Reply
I prefer it as one syllable. It rings better that way, no?